Before coming into FA, I really thought that all I needed was a bigger bathtub. I had convinced myself of this after I had risen from the tub and a large tidal wave gushed down the drain. It was like a miniature Niagara Falls. At that moment, I told myself, I’ve outgrown this tub. It was then that I came up with the grand idea: I’ll get a larger one, perhaps a garden tub. I remember weighing myself shortly afterwards. I was 51 years old, 5’8 tall,” and I weighed 289 pounds, just eleven pounds short of 300. “Grossly obese,” the charts stated. As I stood in front of the mirror, I asked myself: What happened? How did I gain all this weight? As far back as I can remember, I’ve always loved sugary foods. As a small child, I craved them, even though very few sweets were kept in... Continue Reading
I am sitting in the library at Monterey Institute of International Studies in Monterey, CA, studying Spanish for an intensive eight-week program. When they said “intensive” they were not joking! We have class for over four hours a day, followed by hours of homework every night. In addition, we are encouraged to join conversation groups, watch Spanish films, and stream Spanish TV and radio through the Internet. While my housemate (also in the Spanish program) and I were driving to Yosemite for the weekend, we listened to Spanish CDs for hours. Today at a potluck for the language students—where I brought my beautiful weighed-and-measured lunch, and no one blinked twice—I met five Spaniards and we’re going hiking tomorrow in Big Sur State Park. I have a dreamy life for which I am grateful. I describe these amazing things happening in my life now, because there is no way I would... Continue Reading
Two months after finding FA, I went on a Caribbean cruise with some women from an organization to which I belong. The trip had been planned many months before I came into FA. With great trepidation, and a determination to remain abstinent, I walked up the gangplank not really sure that it was possible to cruise and be abstinent. My sponsor had assured me that this was not only possible, but that I’d have a good time. Still, I wasn’t so sure. I was anxious as we entered the ship’s buffet for our first meal on board. I really wanted to protect what I’d found in FA. I did a lot of walking, trying to assess exactly where “my food” was located. I found, with great relief, that appropriate food was everywhere, albeit sprinkled throughout this cavernous room from one end to the other. For one evening meal near the... Continue Reading
The clock read 3 a.m. I couldn’t believe it. How was I awake? And why was I arguing with my boyfriend again? Hadn’t we said, just a month ago, that we would get married? But we were having yet another argument about my FA program. This man did not support my recovery! He questioned whether I would always have to go to meetings, and he gave me a hard time about having to stop to eat at meal times. “I just want to hop on a motorcycle and not have to stop for lunch,” he blurted out one day. “Wow,” is all I could say. I was two years into my recovery in FA, but I didn’t feel the calm or peace I had started to enjoy. I was angry, upset, and full of fear. The clock rolled to 3:30 a.m. and I felt famished. I realized I needed G-d’s... Continue Reading
When I came into recovery 14 years ago, one of the first things my sponsor said to me was, “Okay, let’s put first things first; go ahead and give me your food.” A light went on for me at that moment. “First things first” was one of those expressions I’d heard or seen on bumper stickers, but never understood. Suddenly it meant something to me. That was the beginning of my understanding of the word “priority.” My sponsor gave me my new priority list, in order: 1) recovery, 2) family, and 3) job. That meant that I had to take care of my recovery first and above all else. Because of the way that first conversation had begun, I had a sense of what that might mean and how to accomplish it. If something is at the top of the priority list, it means it has to be done first.... Continue Reading
