I am 53 years old, 5’4″ tall, and I weigh 138.8 pounds. I have never been less than 140 in my adult life. Just a year ago, l weighed 195 pounds (my highest weight was 250 back in 2002). After yo-yo dieting for years, and after major stresses, I finally hit rock bottom and believed my life was over. Quite frankly, I wanted it to be. I had been living on the edge for several years. I was not only a food addict, but I had multiple addictions. Although I hadn’t used alcohol or illegal drugs for more than 30 years, I consistently used money, work, and food to deal with life. I worked an average of 14-15 hours per day, six days a week. I ate at work constantly, with something going into my mouth every 15 minutes, all day long. I would get up several times during the... Continue Reading
I heard of FA from a friend, who did not have anything good to say about it. It didn’t even matter what she said about FA, because it was of no interest to me. I had come to the profound and somewhat freeing revelation that I would be fat for the rest of my life. The revelation came when I was looking at a family photo. The men, women, and children were all big in the same way. Every time I attempted to control my eating, it went crazy. When I decided to stop dieting, I told myself that not trying to change was good for me. I wondered what was so wrong with me anyway. I was a nice person. I held down a job and did lots of charity work. I had friends and family who loved me, so what was the problem, really? Sure I hated myself... Continue Reading
I have been abstinent for more than 12 years, maintaining a normal weight of 107 pounds on my 5’1″ frame for most of that time; my top weight was at least 60 pounds heavier. I was plagued with the accordion body syndrome, going up and down the same 10, 20, or 30 pounds dozens of times. I was raised in a family of privilege in the Chicago area. My parents have a storybook marriage and modeled a strong partnership. I was showered with affection and attention as I grew up, but I was unable to take in the love. My folks were not perfect. They passed on to me some not-so-subtle messages that their love was conditional. I grew up believing that in order to be loved, I needed to play the part of the good daughter—and that meant looking good (thin) and behaving properly. I was a dutiful, obedient... Continue Reading
I went to the California Department of Motor Vehicles to renew my driver’s license. I was especially excited, because after a year of abstinence in FA and a 111 pound weight loss, I wanted to use my new weight on my license. My old license read 230 pounds, which was a total lie. I passed 230 pounds in high school on the way to my high of 300 pounds. I thought if a cop pulled me over, I could pass for 230. I was always in denial about how much I actually weighed. Well today was different. I filled out the form and wrote the exact weight I saw on the scale: 165.0. I emphasized the point zero and handed it to the clerk. She examined the form and frowned, “Are you sure this is how much you weigh?” “Yes,” I say proudly, “one six five point zero.” I thought... Continue Reading
Several years ago my 92-year old mother died, after two years of failing health. She still lived in England, my home country, and I always had been concerned about whether I would be able to be there when she died. I was fortunate enough to visit her four weeks before she passed away, but the anxiety of when to leave really bothered me. After speaking with my sponsor, I realised that I was totally powerless over the timing as well as the death process. I prayed, and took extra quiet times in order to listen to God’s will for me. The final decision was entirely out of my hands; my mother passed away before I could make it back. At the time of the funeral, the availability of flights back to London was extremely limited and also impossibly expensive. The airlines were on strike, and on top of everything else,... Continue Reading
