A Story of Recovery:

Persistent Resister

I was 21, bulimic, and beaten by food, but not beaten quite enough to be willing to take suggestions from a sponsor, or anyone else for that matter.  I had been “in” the Overeater’s Anonymous (OA) 90-Day program in Boston in the late 80s. I spent three years fighting and, not surprisingly, I continued to binge and purge on a daily basis.

I came into FA after struggling with the food for another six years. I do have to say that I had several breaks in the first four years of FA, so I experienced the first 90 days multiple times.

I was quite willing in many ways. I got up much earlier than I was used to, called my sponsor on time, followed my food plan and suggested meal times, and drove an hour to the only FA meeting in my area.

But unfortunately, I still held onto some of my “I know what’s best for me” attitudes, too. For instance, my first sponsor told me several times that her sponsor told her to level off her tablespoon of dressing with a knife after she measured it. I acknowledged what she said every time…but she never told me to level off my dressing.  So I didn’t, until she specifically told me I should do it, too.

I lost a later sponsor after I argued with her about something I was doing with food that “technically” was not a break. The worst part was that I knew she was right, but I argued about it anyway. Arguing was simply something I learned along the way in life—argue if you’re right, and argue even harder if you’re not right, so they can’t prove it.

I had a lot of changing to do. In the early days of recovery, I did make some significant changes in my behavior. I spent a lot of time listening to FA tapes while I quilted. I also suddenly became the morning person I’d always wanted to be. I didn’t know how to watch TV with my husband without a bowl of food on my lap, so I went to bed early, which helped me get up on time to call my sponsor. Early on, I made a lot of phone calls nationally and internationally, and I found out about an inexpensive way to call through the Internet.

Because I made so many calls, I started getting calls back. Some calls were quite timely. One day when my husband was out of town, our two dogs started running around the house. I wanted a peaceful breakfast and thought the way to get it was to chase after the dogs, screaming at them to lie down. It didn’t work, of course.  The phone rang just before I started eating, and the woman simply asked, “How are you?” I burst into tears. She shared a very similar incident from her early days, which made me feel much better.

Would I have broken my abstinence over all my craziness that morning? Who knows? But I got the help I needed—from God, through another FA member.  I have many God stories from my early days of abstinence.  In each instance, I knew it was God acting for me, primarily because I definitely was not acting like I had for most of my life before FA.

I’m grateful that my experience in FA has not mirrored that of my time in OA. Today, I’m just shy of seven years abstinent, I’m free from bingeing and purging, and I have 60 pounds off my body.