A Story of Recovery:

Priorities

I was driving north on 101 from the airport toward San Francisco. I’d just gotten off a 12-hour flight from Sydney. On the plane, I had eaten my two pre-packed, weighed and measured meals. I was so glad I had my abstinent food. I’d done my research, knew the airport security rules, and was ready for anything.

It was lunchtime, and I still had one more packed meal in my bag. On the Bay Bridge, I took the Treasure Island exit, parked the car, and looked back across the grey bay to the San Francisco skyline. I was in America. I slowly ate my abstinent meal, taking in the magnificent view. Amidst the elation, I was aware of a deep sense of gratitude to my Higher Power.

This wasn’t the first time I had come to the Bay Area in my abstinence. I had made a similar business trip four years ago. I managed to stay abstinent, but I was scattered and disorganized for much of the time, which isn’t unusual when you are travelling in a foreign country and staying in other people’s homes, but dangerous behavior for a food addict.

Does the phrase “constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves” ring any bells? I had told myself it would be okay to sort out the details when I arrived. I did get to one meeting, but I was late and had to stand up the back of the room. I felt sharply a sense of lost opportunity and recognized that I was trying to fit my program around my social and work commitments while I was away. I kept my abstinence on that trip, but lost it a few weeks after my return to Australia.

The current trip was also a business trip, but this time I was much better prepared. By the time I got on the plane in Sydney, I had connected with several U.S. FA members and left messages for a dozen others. I had committed to three meetings a week and had arranged a temporary sponsor for the two weeks I was in the U.S. None of this would have been possible if my Higher Power had not helped me to see what self-honesty demanded of me. Being honest with myself meant recognizing that even when travelling, the balance must be recovery-family-work, despite knowing that my work was paying for the trip.

The clarity of mind I get in FA helps me to see the next right action I need to take. This clarity is part of the sanity that I am progressively being restored to as promised in Step Two. I thank God every day for the many things I can be grateful for and for the clarity to appreciate them.