A Story of Recovery:
Recovery By The Sea
I went to my first FA meeting in Virginia—only three miles from home. I felt self conscious in my 51-year-old, 5’ 6”, 206-pound bloated body, next to those lean, healthy women. Relief came when they said I didn’t have to speak, only introduce myself. I tried to get comfortable on the grey metal chair and listen as a woman who had lost 100 pounds talked about what FA had done for her life. I was magically motivated by her story and decided to stop eating flour and sugar.
When I got home, I found a diet on the Web that excluded flour and sugar products and I woke up the next morning determined. After a few days, my husband asked, “What’s wrong with you?” I was experiencing withdrawal symptoms, including headaches and a short temper, but I didn’t let that stop me. The second week, I went to another FA meeting. I met a member who was approaching 90 days and she said that my withdrawal from sugar would soon subside. She also suggested that I get a sponsor and buy a digital food scale.
I had no intention of finding a sponsor because I didn’t want to make promises and commitments that I wouldn’t keep, including a 5 a.m. telephone call every day! Knowing I would fail at yet another attempt to lose weight, I didn’t tell my friends or family about FA. My husband, my favorite eating buddy, was in another Twelve-Step program and would have understood, but I didn’t want to tell him either. I simply said that I had eliminated all “blonde” foods and lied about my whereabouts on meeting nights. I bought a food scale, but didn’t know what to measure.
During my third week, I went to my Delaware beach house for a long weekend with a friend who was my eating buddy. She was okay with my not eating flour and sugar products. When we arrived, she was exhausted and went straight to bed, so I attended the FA meeting there—only a mile from my beach house. To my pleasant surprise, a heartfelt and friendly group of svelte women welcomed me. I was chubby and greasy next to these tall, happy, beautifully dressed beach goddesses. Although I didn’t fit in, I somehow felt like I had come home. Lucky for me, I would be moving to the beach for the summer in a few weeks and could bathe in this warmth every Thursday night and Saturday morning.
The next day, sitting on the beach, I confided to my friend that I wanted to try FA. She didn’t like Twelve-Step programs and argued against it. When I found myself defending the program and asking, “What else am I going to do?” I realized that I had the gift of desperation and was ready to take the next step.
Back in Virginia, a Washington State woman with nine years of abstinence said I didn’t have to commit to anything. She suggested I get a temporary sponsor and just try it. Those were the words I needed to hear. I attended the Virginia meeting again. I still hadn’t eaten flour and sugar products, and I started considering a sponsor. Suddenly no one was volunteering. People wanted to help me get started, but I didn’t want help, I wanted a sponsor! Finally I spoke to a sweet-sounding woman from Alaska who volunteered to sponsor me. I was on my way!
A week later, my eight-year-old son and I moved to our Delaware beach house for the summer, and my husband joined us on weekends. I planned my busy days and what and how I was going to eat. I wrote and reported my food plan to my sponsor while relaxing on my beige futon on the screened porch. I did my reading and spent my quiet time on my futon or on the beach, watching the sun rise. I often ate my weighed and measured food as a picnic on the beach, at the Water Park, or at a swim meet. I worked the tools of FA.
I hired babysitters from the swim team and attended those serene FA beach meetings. I did my hair and makeup and wore the summer frock that fit me best. FA members vacationing from up and down the East coast visited, qualified, and soaked up the warmth and beauty of FA at the beach. Many of the members coincidentally knew my sponsor from outreach calls and AWOLs. What a positive, cleansing experience it was to be part of that group during my first 90 days. I confessed to my husband that I had joined FA and he said he was proud of me.
My husband began extending his weekends to spend more time with us. He said he was having fun because I was happy and becoming more active. I was not as grumpy and had become willing to play miniature golf, swim with them in the pool and ocean, fish, and go to the bonfires. In the past, I’d never move from my beach chair and my cooler, or I’d stay home to read my book, watch TV, and eat. Now, in the mornings, instead of sleeping in, I’d take twilight walks and watch the sun rise.
It was during those quiet early mornings I first felt the presence of my higher power. I wasn’t alone anymore. In the past, my mind was always racing and planning my next move; now I took the time to feel my higher power. My life was no longer withering on the vine; I was a pink rose bud ready to bloom.
We moved back to Virginia when we had to evacuate the Maryland and Delaware beaches because of Hurricane Irene. I celebrated my 90th day and happily returned for Labor Day weekend to qualify at the seaside FA meeting. I was down 31 pounds.