One early morning, right after I had taken my quiet time and talked to my sponsees, I noticed that a particularly heavy and intense downpour had begun. The thunder actually woke up my usually hard-to-rouse four-year-old, who snuggled in my lap, frightened. It was all over relatively quickly. Then a few minutes later, I got a text message from my housemate, who lives in the basement. “Some water got under the door and soaked into the carpet.” I went downstairs to inspect and actually found that an approximately 10×15-foot area of the carpeting was completely soaked. The reason was a clogged, neglected drain outside the house. Totally my fault, and not covered by my homeowner’s insurance. As a single mom who is still learning the basics of homeownership (my ex-husband had taken care of all that when he lived in the house), I can really pick up the self-hatred when... Continue Reading
When I first came into FA, it was overwhelming learning to do all the tools. I was uncomfortable having 30 minutes of quiet time every morning, and I felt it was unreasonable to only eat three meals a day with nothing in between. After doing this for a year and a half, I see how it has helped me in so many aspects of my life. Like the boy in the movie Karate Kid, who learns to do Karate by doing simple chores like “wax on, wax off,” I, too, am learning to deal with life by doing simple tasks over and over. I had to learn to eat three meals a day with nothing in between. I had to learn to sit down at the table and take my higher power with me, so that mealtime would become a time of thanksgiving and ease. I don’t stand up in... Continue Reading
How I found FA was a total miracle! I had tried every diet, self-help books, drugs, and starving. You name it, I tried it. I was miserable at more than 245 pounds, killing myself slowly with all that flour, sugar, and quantities. My doctor told me that I had type 2 diabetes, and I still could not stop eating. She said that I was not going to go blind or lose a limb, but that I might die of a massive heart attack! She said I was morbidly obese, but I still could not stop eating. I was hopeless, but desperate. So I got on my knees one day and asked God to help me. I had reached the end of my rope. I couldn’t do this anymore. I had lived my life for my daughter. She was graduating from high school soon and would be going on with her... Continue Reading
Before I joined FA, I was willing to go to any lengths to get what I wanted. I would manipulate, overspend, overindulge, overeat, over caffeinate, and overdo everything, always chasing after a hit. I wanted to feel good all of the time. I used to spend hours looking for what I thought would sooth me and remove my constant discomfort. I walked the aisles of grocery stores, farmer’s markets, Target, and BJ’s, searching for the perfect treats, wondering, What is going to hit the spot? I bought foods that I remembered loving in the past, but for some reason they stopped working. I tried new foods, funky concoctions, and greater quantities of foods I loved. I drove far out of my way, walked long distances, and showed up late to events just to get foods that were my drug of choice. But nothing worked. My life continued to shrink, my... Continue Reading
Of all the tools of the program, making phone calls is the hardest for me. I am virtually phone phobic. Email works fine for me to get in touch with my grown children, but I don’t even do well talking on the phone with them. They forgive me for that. Only once before did I phone before taking a bite…until this week. I have been in Program for two years and have been abstinent for more than 21 months. I came into FA an atheist—a devoted, committed, lifelong atheist. I had been an atheist for 50 of my 84 years. That has been changing in my life, especially through my 16 months in an AWOL(A Way of Life, a study of the Twelve Steps), where I have been studying the Twelve Steps. It has been hard for me to give up my “faith” after all those years of comfort in... Continue Reading
