In my early days of recovery, I heard the saying “suit up and show up.” I didn’t quite understand what it meant. I was extremely capable, hard-working, and compassionate. I always showed up and I was always available to help, always there if you needed a shoulder to cry on, always there if you were short on cash. I was always available to everyone! I prided myself on being a great employee and friend, and I didn’t think I needed to learn anything from this slogan. As I began to emerge from my flour, sugar, and fast-food fog, and the pounds started to drop off my 207-pound body, I started to see things differently. I was showing up alright, if you consider showing up to mean that I was overwhelmed, overworked, overcommitted, distracted, and crazy; then, yes, I showed up. So, I realized that I had a lot to learn... Continue Reading
When I was growing up in California, Mom couldn’t cook meals fast enough and my older brothers sometimes ate food off my plate. It felt to me like there was never enough food. I came to FA for the first time four years ago, after hearing about the program from a friend, who had lost 80 pounds. I raised my hand at a meeting, dutifully identified myself as a food addict (at 235 pounds), worked the food plan faithfully for six months, and lost 72 pounds. I didn’t really believe I was a food addict and ended up leaving FA over resentments against my sponsor. I firmly believed that FA was just too hard. The truth was that I wanted to go back out and eat “normal” food. Armed with my newfound knowledge of the evils of flour, sugar, and quantities, surely I would be “just fine.” Well, two years later, I gained... Continue Reading
A winter night in 2003 marked a low point in my life. From the outside people may not have seen it, because I had so much to be grateful for. My wife and I had just moved into the dream home I built with my own hands, we had a healthy baby girl (our fourth), and secure employment. My problem was that I was a food addict. I had never heard that expression before and never thought of using it, but that is what I was. One night, my wife was at work at the hospital. We had made a tray of sweets for dessert. We each had one before she went to work. After I put the kids to bed, I went to the kitchen to get one more to munch on while I watched television. After a few minutes, I went for one more and promised myself that... Continue Reading
I planned to join FA on a specific date—the perfect day to start my new life—not a day before or a day after. Of course, I had that same thought with all of the diet and exercise programs I tried. I always planned to start on some special date. It gave me the excuse to eat whatever I wanted until that actual day, when I would give it all up and be “good.” I would always start with the best of intentions, but I was usually able to last only a few weeks, or, in a few rare cases, several months. I would be doing okay, but then something would happen—I would get rejected by a guy I liked, or I would have a particularly stressful week at work, or I would go on vacation, and that was the end of that. For reasons that I still don’t understand, joining... Continue Reading
I had been in another food recovery program off and on for about 14 years, but had been out in the “wilderness” of addictive eating for nine years before I found FA. While in the other program, I’d have periods of “abstinence,” but there wasn’t any true recovery, because my will remained firmly in place. I did recognize that the way people were talking about their eating behaviors and their relationship with food in that program was how I used food and thought about food. But I believed that the Twelve-Step recovery program was the only chance I had of finding relief from compulsive eating. However, I did not surrender to a power greater than myself. I had been over-exercising, trying to burn some of the calories I was consuming, and was experiencing chronic pain as a result. I knew it was only a matter of time before I would... Continue Reading
