I have 7 years of continuous abstinence as I write this article, with my heaviest weight being 330 pounds (about150 kilos). Since joining FA and releasing the extra weight, I have successfully maintained a healthy, slim body. I live on the frontier [term previously used to describe an area far away from an established in-person FA fellowship] and we have recently started an FA meeting that is held every Saturday. I work my tools, make outreach calls, write, sit daily for 30 minutes of quite time, read program literature, attend both AA and FA meetings and speak to my sponsor. I write all of this because the tale I’m about to share could have possibly cost me all of this. I really feel as though I work a strong program, and am doing quite all right. I even feel very neutral around the food, my weight and I life is... Continue Reading
Like many people, I grew up celebrating holidays and family gatherings around an elaborate dinner table. I also celebrated birthdays, promotions, and various “wins” with special treats. I drowned my wounded heart and life’s other disappointments with nights out on the town. My thinking was so backwards that I used food items to reward myself for successfully staying on my diet. Inevitably, however, I would give up on the diet and go straight for the treats. Needless to say, I was not a successful dieter. After 20 years of using food as the ultimate reward, my eating was on autopilot, and it brought me no pleasure. I ate even when my eating became a form of torture, because I would berate myself after every binge and every failed decision to eat better. I was humiliated as I tried to fit in chairs, buckle seatbelts, and complete other tasks people under... Continue Reading
I walked through the doors of FA almost 5 years ago weighing 271 lbs. on a 5 ft. 4 frame and feeling so miserable, helpless, and hopeless that I didn’t want to live. I got a sponsor the very first night not knowing anything about strong programs, abstinence, or even food addiction. I just wanted to lose weight and thought that would be the solution to all my problems. I called my sponsor who had a strong successful program for 18 months and I did lose weight, 146 lbs. of it! I went from a size 24W to a size 4. During this part of my journey I kept secrets! Some secrets involved measuring my food sloppily or using spices that were not suggested. I eventually became honest about these after weeks of harboring them and would start back to Day One. This happened four or five times but there... Continue Reading
Since coming into FA 11 years ago, my relationships have undergone many adjustments, all for the better. Prior to FA, my treatment of my parents could most aptly be described as neglectful; I did not have any interest in them. It did not occur to me that they might like to be kept apprised of my activities, whereabouts, concerns, interests, friends, boyfriends, or dreams. Perhaps this is because, to a large extent, my goals in life were of the short-term variety. From the time that I left home at 19 to go to college, I was focused mostly on being thin and cool. I figured my parents did not want to hear about my obsession with exercising, which I hoped would eliminate any extra pounds. A tragedy for me, at that stage in life, would be the inability to slip into my favorite pair of black faux-satin pants that always... Continue Reading
When I finally surrendered to the FA program, I was truly beaten down. I was bingeing on mass quantities of food, and I was purging, through vomiting and laxatives. I was actually not overweight; I was probably underweight, but I thought I looked fine. My life looked pretty good: good job, faithful husband, healthy child, and nice home, but I felt crazy. I was very close to losing it all. I had tried to work the FA program every way but the way it was passed down to me. Nothing I was doing worked. Things finally got so bad that I knew I had to just do it. My first day of abstinence was the day I stepped into my first AWOL to study the Twelve Steps. I was willing to follow the Program, but I was not at all happy. I hated everyone in that room (and there were... Continue Reading
