I was near my top weight when my oldest son was married in 1998. I was nearing my goal weight when my youngest son got married. The dresses that I wore are metaphors for my life before and after recovery. Wedding #1 Shopping for a dress for my oldest son’s wedding was a painful experience. I knew that my future daughter-in-law needed to know what color I had chosen in order to continue with her planning, but the whole prospect of looking for something to fit me had me paralyzed. Here I was, near my top weight of 293 pounds, and I couldn’t even stand the pain of looking in the mirror. How many times had I faced a rack of clothes in the plus-size section and known that I was going to look hideous in any one of the things that I tried on? The hopelessness of selecting something... Continue Reading
The first time I visited my brother after joining Program was an incredible experience. Through geographical circumstances, my brother and sister-in-law wound up being responsible for the care of our aging mother. It was not easy for them. My brother would often call me to vent his anger, and I would try to tell him what to do. If that didn’t work, I would dismiss his needs and feelings and say, “I am too tired to listen.” This first visit in recovery was awesome. My brother and I went on an errand. Again he started to tell me how he was feeling, and then he stopped and said, “You wouldn’t listen anyway.” I said, “Yes I would, I am different now, so please tell me what you are thinking.” He began kind of hesitantly and then continued to pour his heart out. We sat in a parking lot for a... Continue Reading
I was 55-year-old, 5’4’’tall, 185 pounds, and miserable, I entered FA in a fog. After first becoming aware of the FA program, I spent months contemplating it, then finally mustered up the courage to go to a meeting. I spent the next six months dabbling in the program, slipping in and out of meetings about once a month. I didn’t talk to anyone at the meetings, and I was too embarrassed to tell my husband where I was going Saturday mornings, so I lied and said I was going to yard sales. Finally at one meeting, someone kindly asked (since it seemed as if I was coming more regularly), if I would like to be on the phone list. I said okay. I was far too good a people pleaser to say no. I received an outreach call that week, and at the next meeting I got up the nerve... Continue Reading
One of the most painful experiences of my life proved to be the motivator to propel me into FA. I know that the God of my understanding uses every life situation, and most definitely, God was right there helping me. Just prior to joining FA I had a meeting with my nursing school administrators, who informed me I was not going to be able to continue studying to be a nurse. My grades were poor and my clinical performance was not up to needed standards. I was panicky in my clinical rotations and it showed. I was sweaty and red faced and not able to focus. Mentally, I was so fragile, and the culture of nursing training at that time was harsh and strict. My trips to the school’s vending machine were my only way of coping. The nursing school director’s words informing me that I could no longer continue... Continue Reading
I came into FA in January 2004 at age 58. By that time, I had made several efforts to control my crazy eating, having been overweight, underweight and bulimic throughout much of my life. One of the very distinct ways I could trace the path of my journey was by simply looking at my bookshelf. I had an array of cookbooks that ranged from the basic Good Housekeeping to Basic Macrobiotic Cooking, vegetarian cookbooks, vegan recipes and on into the final trip I took with the Raw Foods Bible, all representing the many side trips I had taken in an effort to rein in my eating. With each of these phases I embarked on, I was convinced that this one was “it.” This was the magic formula I could use for the rest of my life. Macrobiotics was healthy; it would balance my body and moods. All the books told... Continue Reading
