I didn’t have a choice before. When a craving would hit, I had to eat. Period. There was no pause, no phone call, and no strength to fight it. I ate, and then the food took me always to the same pit of despair. A horrific cycle of binging, laxatives, cleansing, and then more binging would take over. Once I came into FA, I had hope that there was another way. I got abstinent and found a new way and a new sense of peace. After a year or so, when I was no longer experiencing the intense pain of addictive eating, I started to get complacent with my tools. I told myself that I was very busy with other things and had very important things to do. I didn’t share this with my sponsor or my fellows. Then followed the rationalization that eating a little extra something wasn’t that... Continue Reading
Prior to finding FA, I attended another Twelve-Step program for children of alcoholics for a short while with a friend. In those meetings, I heard many members talk about being in Twelve-Step programs for things like alcohol, drugs, and other addictive behaviors, though throughout my life, I prided myself on never engaging in “addictive behaviors” because my conservative religion taught me better. Little did I know that I was a full-blown food addict who was using the legal drugs of flour, sugar, and quantities to deal with all of life’s problems. After one of those meetings, I found myself sharing my issues around food with my friend. I told her I thought I had a serious problem and that maybe I was ready to deal it. I went home that night and entered “food addiction” into an online search engine. The FA website was the first link listed. I... Continue Reading
I woke up this morning thinking about my first day in an 8-week residential treatment program for food addiction. I was 41 years old and had been bulimic off and on for 25 years; I was underweight and unhappy. It was two days before Christmas, and although I did not particularly want to be there, I didn’t want to be anywhere else either. How had I gotten there? At the time, I had my own business and had been married for the past 15 months to a man I adored. Those were two of the things on the top of my list of “if only I had (fill in the blank), then I would stop this crazy eating.” Yet, there I was, unable to stop by sheer force of will. I don’t know when I became a food addict; I may well have been born that way. I was always... Continue Reading
I love my morning quiet times. 5:00 am is my “date” with God each morning. To sit and listen, before everyone’s lights come on, horns blare, and the world starts humming and bustling. This is indeed a cherished gift. My time with God is a “Come as you are”-type party. I can come “just as I am” authentically, and just show up. That’s my part. Showing up. And anticipating. Some days, the reading smacks me in the face and I “get it”. It is my marching orders for the day, or something that challenges or “pings” my consciousness. Sometimes my heart is encouraged as I see the impossibility of a situation and I hear that God is even bigger than my situation. And in the quiet, I get to be quiet, and just listen. Meditate. Listen to my breathing. Close my eyes and occasionally have an intuitive thought, or a direction,... Continue Reading
I found FA after my doctor told me I was headed for serious health problems and that I needed to lose weight. After my first month in Program, I had lunch with a dear friend, who asked me all about FA. She wanted to come with me to a meeting. I remembered how scared I had been when I attended my first FA meeting, so I recognized the fear when I got a text from my friend the morning of the 8 a.m. meeting that read, “I cannot go.” So I took a chance and answered, ” Have something to eat and I’ll meet you there.” To my delight, she answered back, “Okay.” After the meeting, she told me she had only had a glass of milk before she came, and that we needed to go get something for her to eat. We went in her... Continue Reading
