As I sit in my airplane seat I am grateful for the plenty of room I have to rest comfortably – even with my seat belt on! I sit here at 131 pounds, heading home from the Business Convention. Ten years ago I came into program weighing 318 pounds – having been heavy my whole life. I believe my highest weight was almost 400 pounds. Before program I gave up on flying because I had been humiliated one too many times as a morbidly obese woman on an airplane. My dad traveled internationally for his job, and I have fond memories of my mom packing my sister and I into the car to send my dad off, or go pick him up at the airport. From a very early age, flying was a wonderful event and came with compelling stories of unique places and people around the world. As I... Continue Reading
I have struggled with addictions my whole life. I grew up in an abusive home, and my coping mechanism then was to disappear to my safe spot, an old grist mill that was near our house. I spent hours there, sitting at the top of the third story, looking out the windows. Everything seemed so far away and I was safe. Things got a bit better when I was eleven and my dad left. Unfortunately, my mom was fighting her own demons and depression had set in with her. She became addicted to sleeping pills and used them as her escape, which made our lives hell. At thirteen, I found my own escape in alcohol, and in my later teens, I discovered diet pills. My friend’s mom had them prescribed from her doctor, and my friend and I used them regularly. I was able to get more and better ones... Continue Reading
Last summer while I was traveling home from the annual Boston business convention, I boarded my plane and couldn’t wait to land in California by noon and have my abstinent lunch with my fiancé. There was no reason that I could think of why I wouldn’t be landing on time; my plane was on time, the passengers and pilot were all ready for takeoff, and I was excited to be home soon. However, as we were approaching our takeoff strip, our plane was suddenly hit on the ground by another plane that wanted to take off at the same time. Wow! The wing was severely damaged and we would be stuck in Boston indefinitely. I was so angry because now I would not be able to spend the entire day in California with my fiancé, and I would have to go through the headache of rescheduling my flight back to... Continue Reading
Outside the sunny window of my mother-in-law’s house, I could glimpse the river shining in the sun. Inside, lace curtains graced the windows; a linen cloth covered the table; flowers and candles added to the ambiance of the afternoon and then, the dessert. Gleaming with shiny sugar, embellished with beautiful decorations, it teased me with its promise. The fragrance of fresh coffee filled the air as we prepared to celebrate a family event. I have been in a life-and-death struggle with my weight since I was eight. I grew up in the era of Twiggy and the styles which characterized the “Mod” culture. After all, as everyone knows, “You can never be too thin or too rich,” can you? I ate my miserable way up to nearly 325 pounds (147.4 kilograms), hating myself, judging myself, listening to the voices telling me “You’re fat, therefore you’re ugly; you’re stupid, because you... Continue Reading
FA has helped bring sanity to my food and also to many other areas of my life. Before FA, the decisions that I made around money did a lot of damage to myself and others. I can remember being in possession of a car. It was mine (sort of). But when my addict friends towed it, I did nothing about it. I was too busy bingeing and purging to look into the location of my car. Additionally, the people who towed it were my drug dealers, so I didn’t want to bring up any hard conversations. I wanted them to keep supplying me. I also gave away two laptops. I rarely used them. I was too busy bingeing and purging. Learning how to use a computer didn’t really interest me. It didn’t give me a quick enough ‘hit”. Sometimes, in my active addiction days, I would just give money away.... Continue Reading
