Looking back, I know that I’ve been a food addict all my life. However, it wasn’t until I was in my sixties that I became familiar with the term “food addict” and was able to accept that addiction was the reason for my life long search for a normal weight. When I look at my pictures from childhood, through my teens, the child bearing years, the family rearing years, the middle-age years, right up to the day I found FA in 2005, I can clearly see the progression of the disease. Through those years, I used every excuse I could to explain my fluctuating weight. In high school I expected my weight to stay around 130. Then when I hit 140 I rationalized that I needed more exercise, so I started a self-guided physical fitness regime and went on a quick weight loss diet. My first child was born when... Continue Reading
Before I begin I’d like to preface by saying Thank You. Thank you to FA and to all of the supportive and caring fellows that have welcomed me. Were it not for them and most important, my trusted sponsor, reaching this 90-day milestone would not be my reality today. I walked through the doors of FA one evening having had only a tiny glimpse of the food plan but knowing nothing of the program as a whole. I was desperate. I wanted to lose weight. It was an obsession that consumed my every waking moment. On the outside I appeared to have it all together, but on the inside I was angry and frustrated, full of doubt and self-hatred, riddled with fear and insecurity. I left the meeting that evening rather quickly. I heard many people share their stories of triumph and victory, of struggle and conscious self-work. The intensity... Continue Reading
When I was in my disease, and it would snow, I used to look through all my cupboards, trying to fix the uncomfortable feeling of not being able to get out and about without first digging my way out of the snow. I would feel stuck. Then, I would start eating and I wouldn’t be able to stop; I would have something on the stove, something in the oven, and something on the table that I would be eating. After filling myself so full that it would hurt, I would go downstairs to my laundry room and purge what I had just eaten. Then, I would go back upstairs and clean up the dishes, pots and pans that I had used for my binge. I told myself that I would now have something healthy to eat, but by the time I put all the toppings on my food, it would... Continue Reading
In FA we often say, “Less is more,” referring to the fact that letting go of food gives us more peace of mind. Sometimes in my house, the less response I get from my family, the more I see the degree to which I am not quite like others when it comes to food. My son, who doesn’t appear to be a food addict, had baked himself something for breakfast that was topped with sugar. I came along a couple of hours later to find my husband and son working on a project in the dining room. The dirty baking pan was on the stovetop. I grabbed a spatula and asked my son if he was done with the pan, and he said he was. I prepared to scrape the pan’s contents into the trash and said, “There’s a bunch of sugary stuff left.” My son and husband just glanced... Continue Reading
A few years before coming into FA, I had the honor of being the maid of honor to my sweet younger cousin. My dress fit tightly and was at risk of not zipping. The real “food addict” performance came during the reception. I proceeded to drink heavily and became intoxicated, walking around the reception barefoot with a bottle in each hand. I made inappropriate advances on other guests. Finally, lo and behold, the wedding dessert was served. Bingo! My eyeballs popped out of my head. As everyone was having a good time on the dance floor, I grabbed a friend’s hand and ran over to all the unattended servings at every table. I ate many portions of other people’s dessert from the tables. Eventually, a relative had to come and get me and tell me to stop. I ended up throwing up from all the sugar and alcohol I consumed.... Continue Reading
