This morning I yelled at my two older kids. They refused to get out of bed, spoke rudely to me and my husband, and made us late. I was furious and I was not nice. I told my son he never thought about anyone else and I called my daughter a princess. Steaming, I got them and their little brother into the car. I had to drop my youngest at preschool first, and when I tried to leave, he clung to me. His anxiety was a humbling reminder that he is affected by my anger even when it’s not directed at him. On the way back to the car, where my other two were waiting, I paused to pray for the first time that morning since being on my knees. I was still mad, but I knew my behavior had been wrong. I have learned in AWOL (A Way of... Continue Reading
I didn’t come into willingly. I was very angry and full of remorse and resentments. I weighed 347 pounds. However, that was not my top weight. I had been 360 pounds prior to my Vertical Banded Gastroplasty better known as a VBG. I lost 80 pounds in 3 months and it was back before I knew it was ever off my body. The surgeon recommended a support group for all patients who had the weight loss surgery. My life was a mess. I was over indulging in flour and sugar products after exercising vigorously on the elliptical machine. I would be in excruciating pain. Nonetheless, I would go over to the Walgreens and buy six of the sugar products they had on sale. The more exercise I did, the more I ate. I felt like the exercise gave me permission to eat whatever I wanted. One day I met this... Continue Reading
I was very skeptical when I walked through the doors of my first FA meeting. I thought FA was too strict and too structured. I had contempt prior to investigation. Yet my obsession with food had been escalating since my first diet at 16 years old. I was a rollercoaster dieter. I would lose weight only to gain it back over and over again. For more than 40 years I had been trying to control my eating and my weight. Nothing had worked. I am so glad I gave FA a chance. At first, I did what my sponsor and others suggested because I wanted to lose weight. Nowadays, I take suggestions because the results I’ve experienced from doing so are far beyond what I had ever dreamed possible. By working the FA program and surrendering to a power greater than myself, I have been graced with the gift of... Continue Reading
Before joining FA I would have told you I was not an angry person, but since coming into the program I have realized just how angry I used to be. Growing up, I always felt cheated out of the good things that life had to offer. I wanted what everyone else seemed to have: loving parents, a big house, and money to buy the things I wanted. I was always looking for that good life, and I always seemed to end up with the short end of the stick. I became angry with people, places, things, and situations. I got into alcohol and drugs and lost custody of my two younger children, which fueled my anger even more. Then I lost my 16-year-old son to suicide, which pushed me over the edge. When I came into FA three years ago, I weighed 294 pounds and my anger was at an... Continue Reading
When I walked into my first FA meeting, I didn’t know what to expect. Not only had I never been to a 12 step meeting before, I didn’t even know anyone in a 12 step program. It was a Sunday morning, I was 22 years old, and a girl my age was leading the meeting. A few people stood up and said they were available to sponsor. I figured that if I was desperate enough to get myself out of bed at 7 o’clock on a Sunday morning, then I might as well go ahead and ask one of these people to sponsor me even though I didn’t know exactly what that meant. I chose someone who looked friendly and non-threatening, and I asked her to be my sponsor. Having a sponsor tell me exactly what to eat every day was a new concept for me, but I was excited... Continue Reading
