My son called me on a Tuesday evening and announced that he and his girlfriend were getting married 10 days later. “Wow!” was all I could say. Then, he told me they were having their reception on a date I couldn’t attend. I was quiet, but secretly I was sobbing at missing my son’s wedding reception. How could he exclude me? Doesn’t he want his own mother to be at the reception? were some of the thoughts racing through my mind. Thankfully, I had been in program long enough to stay silent when things upset me and to take it to my quiet time, my Higher Power, my sponsor, and my fellows, until a clear and peaceful answer came to me. The Just for Today quote “I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt. They may be hurt but I will not show it,” was running through my... Continue Reading
I just attended my first FA Business Convention in Danvers, Mass. With much encouragement to do self-care, I took a quiet walk around the hotel. Over the past year and half, since joining FA, I have been trying to formulate my vision of my Higher Power. I was suddenly struck by the beautiful scene in front of me of green grass, trees, and vibrant flowers; so I sat on the steps, and wrote this: “I’m choosing to call my Higher Power (HP): My Goddess. I get to define her exactly how I want; no one else has to understand or even agree with my definition of my HP. I don’t have to share her with anyone. She’s part older sister, part mom, part aunt, part friend, part sponsor. When I need extra protection, she’s part Wonder Woman! My Goddess is strong, smart (she knows things I... Continue Reading
I had recently graduated from college and was avoiding dealing with horrific sexual abuse that had happened to me towards the end of my senior year. The way I was eating was insane because I was trying to escape my feelings and was in severe trauma and isolation. I spent all my free time in the kitchen making strange concoctions in a blender with frozen foods that shouldn’t go together. I was eating food out of a large colander outside on the balcony while squatting on the ground in my underwear. I felt like I was nothing but an animal because of how I’d been treated, so I ate like one too. Thankfully, God guided me towards FA in a coffee shop right by my house. While I was waiting for my sugary caffeinated drink and bingeing on baked goods I noticed a pamphlet that said, “Are you having trouble... Continue Reading
I came into FA in San Diego CA . Technically, we were not the “frontier,” because we had two meetings, but it was a very small (and precious) fellowship. Our phone list was tacked onto the bottom of a larger LA fellowship’s phone list. I was encouraged to use the frontier (or “outlying area,” as it was called then) phone list to make connections with other FA members who did not have a large fellowship or any meetings at all. I enjoyed those phone calls. Being new to the program, I soaked up all the experience, hope, and strength I could get! One of my favorite calls was to a fellow who was in the Midwest. I found that using different time zones was a great way to facilitate my phone calling. She was 84 years old, had come into program at 80, and said that those had been the... Continue Reading
Weddings and funerals. I didn’t show up for either one when I was in the food. Weddings were uncomfortable because I would spend the whole time comparing myself to others. Funerals were terrible because I could never figure out what to say to sad people. I failed to realize I wasn’t the most important person at either type of event! After 10 years of recovery, I am happy to say I’ve learned a little bit about showing up. This summer, my 89 year-old mother suffered from congestive heart failure. After several trips to the emergency room, the doctor informed the family that it was time to call in Hospice. Each of my sisters had several days of caring for Mom. My turn came when my mom was nearing the end. I didn’t have any experience caring for someone so ill. I wondered if I would be able to provide tender,... Continue Reading
