I put in a FA CD and heard a woman talk about exercising. I thought about how, when my children were young, I couldn’t do activities that my family wanted to do. The woman on the CD related how she exercised because she enjoyed it. She didn’t do it for the usual food addict’s reasons: because she ate too much and had to work it off or as an excuse to eat more. I was 52 years old, 100 pounds overweight, and so unhappy with my life. I had tried dozens of diets and gimmicks. Some worked for a short time, but none were successful. But when I came into FA, got a sponsor, and worked the program, my weight fell off. Now what? I had not been in a thin body in over 30 years. I wanted a new goal to focus on. After my first year in FA, I... Continue Reading
Twenty-seven years ago, when I first met the man to whom I am now married, we were just getting to know each other, so in the spirit of honesty and “full disclosure,” I told him that I had been bulimic, but wasn’t anymore. At the time, I was in another Twelve-Step program for food addiction (although we didn’t call it that). I had not been actively bulimic for a while, so I thought it safe to tell him, because I was “fixed.” I had been anxious about telling him, not knowing what the response would be. When he did not go screaming in the other direction, I thought: Phew! That’s over! Now we can get on with it. Things went along quite well for the next several months. I had a good job, I was in love, and all was right with the world. But alas, as I was to... Continue Reading
As a young girl, I was a tomboy, a bully, and an athlete. As a teenager, I smoked dope and became a sort of daredevil. Later I decided I needed to have the validation of an ivy-league university. My mother had continually reminded me of my inadequacies, and I always felt “less than.” Although I became a beautiful woman, my inadequate feelings about myself continued, whether I was fat or thin. My insecurity was especially evident in my choice of men and my behavior in relationships. The men I chose were almost always emotionally unavailable, due either to drinking, drugs or mental illness. Once in a relationship, I became a supportive partner, never questioning what was best for me but rather tirelessly supplying what was best for them. After years of this, I lost myself. When my 17-year marriage ended, I had been completely broken down and had no idea... Continue Reading
I’ve seen people come into FA because they under-eat, purge their food, obsess about their weight and keep it down with exercise, or have a constant obsession over what they’re eating. I came in because I constantly wanted to overeat. When I was younger, I pretended it didn’t bother me. Then one day I looked at my eighth-grade graduation class picture and I could no longer deny it. I was not only the tallest person in the class, but I was by far the largest. At 5’7” and 178 pounds, I towered over the rest of the 13- and 14-year olds. I was ashamed and embarrassed. So I went on my first of many diets. I tried one that required I eat only 600 calories a day, and another where I got something shot into my arm to lose weight (I don’t know what it was and I didn’t care).... Continue Reading
I was sitting in my CEO’s office having a debriefing after a conference call. When we finished, she turned to me and said, “Okay, this is the hard part.” She explained that I was one of the people being let go in the current round of layoffs. My heart froze. Although she was very kind about the news, it didn’t change the outcome: I was about to be unemployed in the most devastating economic downturn of my lifetime. After the meeting with my CEO, I walked outside in order to deal with the shock. The first person I phoned was my sponsor. I got her voicemail and left a message. I reached a friend who listened to my fear for a bit and then told me, in no uncertain terms, to go take some quiet time. I walked back inside the building, found a quiet place, and sat down to... Continue Reading
