The plane had barely landed at the airport in Israel and I was already calling the hospital to check on my Dad. The hospital staff told me to come straight from the airport to the hospital. I got the first cab and headed to the hospital. When I got to the ward, they told me my Dad had just died a few minutes ago. The Nurse who told me the news told me to sit down and she got me some water. She also said that some things had to be taken care of right away and she handed me some forms that I needed to get signed that evening. My first thought was that I can’t do it, but G-d can, and I will let him. At that time, I had been in program nearly ten years, and I had seven years of abstinence. I had given away around... Continue Reading
As long as I can remember, I have always had other people in my life to take care of. When I was a pre-teen, I had a diabetic grandmother. She lived with my aunt and her family and there were times when my aunt was not able to be there for her. My grandma didn’t need round-the-clock care, but she needed someone there “just in case.” I would go over and “grandma sit.” We played cards, cooked together, or just watched TV. On two of these occasions, her blood sugar took a nosedive and I found out what “just in case” meant. On one of these low blood sugar bouts, I was unable to get it back up and had to call the fire department (pre-911). Talk about being scared…I was only 12 years old. I had a great-grandma who I also spent time with, especially when she was not... Continue Reading
I had been waiting to “eat for two” since I was a little girl. I thought that pregnancy would be the time in my life when I could eat with reckless abandon, in front of the world, without fear of judgment. This was one of many “great” ideas that floated through my diseased brain. I have maintained almost three years of abstinence, and a life I did not think was possible, thanks to my Higher Power, my sponsor, Program disciplines, and FA fellows. When I first entered Program, I was not only overweight, but also desperate for a solution to the mental insanity swimming in my head. I wanted to lose weight and learn how to eat in a healthy way, so that when I started a family, my future children would not see the ridiculous things I did with my food—the stealing, sneaking, hiding, lying, and many other inappropriate... Continue Reading
Reaching my 90th day was not as I had envisioned. While my fellows were gathered in the building beside me having an FA meeting, I sat with my mom, my two sisters, and my husband planning my dad’s funeral. My fellows continued to be right there with me through the entire process. I don’t know how people manage loss without a twelve-step program. I am so grateful to FA for getting me through the loss of my father abstinently. My father saw his doctor for pneumonia in early September. My children had just gone back to school and I made a casual remark about cheering Papa up with some of their artwork when I visited him that day. My son asked, “Mom can you wait until after school so I can come too?” My first thought was that I had to make sure my children wouldn’t catch pneumonia. My second... Continue Reading
I never realized how crazy flour and sugar made me. I was only aware of how fat it made me. It took years for me to realize how my food addiction affected my life and was responsible for taking away everything I loved. It’s hard to look back, but as I do, I really believe that because I am a food addict, I made a mess of my life, particularly as a mother. I was controlling, absent much of the time, not available. I clearly did damage to a lot of people I loved. I grew up with parents who loved me. My father weighed around 250 pounds and he was always on a diet. He died of a heart attack when I was twelve. I was completely lost. I would go down to our basement and binge. I picked up food, and my mother picked up booze. My father... Continue Reading
