As long as I can remember, I have always had other people in my life to take care of. When I was a pre-teen, I had a diabetic grandmother. She lived with my aunt and her family and there were times when my aunt was not able to be there for her. My grandma didn’t need round-the-clock care, but she needed someone there “just in case.” I would go over and “grandma sit.” We played cards, cooked together, or just watched TV. On two of these occasions, her blood sugar took a nosedive and I found out what “just in case” meant. On one of these low blood sugar bouts, I was unable to get it back up and had to call the fire department (pre-911). Talk about being scared…I was only 12 years old. I had a great-grandma who I also spent time with, especially when she was not... Continue Reading
I had been waiting to “eat for two” since I was a little girl. I thought that pregnancy would be the time in my life when I could eat with reckless abandon, in front of the world, without fear of judgment. This was one of many “great” ideas that floated through my diseased brain. I have maintained almost three years of abstinence, and a life I did not think was possible, thanks to my Higher Power, my sponsor, Program disciplines, and FA fellows. When I first entered Program, I was not only overweight, but also desperate for a solution to the mental insanity swimming in my head. I wanted to lose weight and learn how to eat in a healthy way, so that when I started a family, my future children would not see the ridiculous things I did with my food—the stealing, sneaking, hiding, lying, and many other inappropriate... Continue Reading
Reaching my 90th day was not as I had envisioned. While my fellows were gathered in the building beside me having an FA meeting, I sat with my mom, my two sisters, and my husband planning my dad’s funeral. My fellows continued to be right there with me through the entire process. I don’t know how people manage loss without a twelve-step program. I am so grateful to FA for getting me through the loss of my father abstinently. My father saw his doctor for pneumonia in early September. My children had just gone back to school and I made a casual remark about cheering Papa up with some of their artwork when I visited him that day. My son asked, “Mom can you wait until after school so I can come too?” My first thought was that I had to make sure my children wouldn’t catch pneumonia. My second... Continue Reading
I never realized how crazy flour and sugar made me. I was only aware of how fat it made me. It took years for me to realize how my food addiction affected my life and was responsible for taking away everything I loved. It’s hard to look back, but as I do, I really believe that because I am a food addict, I made a mess of my life, particularly as a mother. I was controlling, absent much of the time, not available. I clearly did damage to a lot of people I loved. I grew up with parents who loved me. My father weighed around 250 pounds and he was always on a diet. He died of a heart attack when I was twelve. I was completely lost. I would go down to our basement and binge. I picked up food, and my mother picked up booze. My father... Continue Reading
I came to my first FA meeting two years ago weighing 244 pounds. I sat at the back of the room, busting out of my clothes, angry and frustrated, with my arms crossed. I knew nothing about food addiction, recovery, or how desperate I was. I thought I had it together, for the most part, and that is was just this “food thing” I couldn’t control. I heard something that day that changed my life. I heard hope. I don’t remember the name of the happy, skinny lady who was willing to be vulnerable and share her story, but I did hear enough of my own story to feel that there was a solution to the chaos and craziness going on in my head. I was thankful for the people who gave me numbers of potential sponsors. I went back to another meeting. My sponsor shared with me all the... Continue Reading
