I was eating when I didn’t want to be eating. This phrase came into my head in a small, clear voice one day while I was sitting in my morning quiet time. I had already been in recovery for three years, but couldn’t see how I was a food addict. I spent so long in such a deep level of denial that it took years of abstinence before I was able to see my food addiction for what it was. I always had some justification for the way I ate. I said I ate a lot because…then I would just choose from one of the following: I played lacrosse. I was a tall girl. I had a fast metabolism. I was bored. I was hung over. I was high. I was Jewish. I was hungry. What I learned in recovery was that I was incredibly insecure, fearful, and uncomfortable in... Continue Reading
I sat on the sofa in my hotel room this morning, my stomach churning. Sinus colds have a way of interrupting my sleeping pattern, and I had been up since 4 a.m. Unable to fall back to sleep, I decided to start my day as I always do, thanking my Higher Power for rest, abstinence, and for the life I have today. Then I sat still for 30 minutes. My mind was filled with phrases from the Twenty-Four Hour a Day book. I was reminded of how different things are in my life today than they were three years ago. As I sat, I pressed my hand to my stomach and it vibrated. The clock reminded me that I still had two hours until breakfast, so I closed my eyes and returned to my quiet time of meditation. As my stomach continued to grumble, I was reminded that in recovery... Continue Reading
I came into FA at age 52 and had just lost 110 pounds after doing my own diet. I still had more weight to lose (my highest weight was 256) and a certain food had me by the throat and I couldn’t stop dreaming, fantasizing, and thinking about it. The weight started to creep up again. God led me into FA, and within three months the rest of the weight was off. I made a few mistakes here and there for a few months. I got 90 days of abstinence, lost it, got six months a couple of times, and then lost it. Then after about a year, I started to get into the food big time again. Finally, I was convinced that I needed to stop eating, and life was abstinent and good for almost nine years. Now looking back, I realize that I actually “white-knuckled it” for all of... Continue Reading
When things don’t go my way – and trust me, they often don’t – I know now that it’s much better to consider what God is looking to teach me rather than to start feeling sorry for myself. I am learning in all aspects of my work and my family life to turn my thinking from self-pity into gratitude. I have a choice today. I can choose to go into self-pity, or I can choose to be grateful. At my office, we recently reorganized our space and the desks. When I was sitting at my new desk I found myself building up resentments against one of my colleagues, because I thought that she had the “perfect” desk. No wonder she’s so happy at work, I thought. During my quiet time the next day, God helped me to turn things around and to start being grateful. I thought about my lovely... Continue Reading
Lesson 1 – Life on Life’s Terms Before Program, I had a lot of anger and resentment over certain life circumstances. I am the oldest of four children, and my dad died when I was ten years old. I had many responsibilities that a ten-year-old should not have. I spent a lot of time resenting my mom. I ended up moving 3,000 miles away from her. Eight months after joining Program, I moved within driving distance of her (not planned by me) and was able to show up and bring her grandchildren, my girls, to visit their grandma. Working the program helped me to realize that not everything is about me, and I was able to let a lot of my pain from the past go in order to create a more loving present and future. My mom passed away only one year after I moved back to the area,... Continue Reading
