I was 24, and I had struggled with bulimia, drugs, and alcohol for over 10 years. I left home at 14 and moved to a big city to live with my sister. I instantly gravitated to the darker side of life. I spent more time partying than studying. I couldn’t focus in school, and my food addiction led to drug use and daily bingeing and purging. I increasingly became more rageful, angry, and negative as my disease progressed. My diagnosed depression had led to my using anti-depressants at age 16. After graduating from college, the party was finally over. I had recently split my pants while bowling, and I officially felt fat. The bulimia stopped working, and every weekend I looked forward to escaping by smoking pot and getting drunk. I was in financial debt and felt like my world was slowly caving in. I was negative, depressed, and purposeless.... Continue Reading
I have experienced a 160-pound weight loss in FA. I have come to believe that “practicing these principles in all my affairs” is an effective way to address the many other addictions in my life. As a recovering chronic spender and credit card abuser, I now live each month on a balanced and reasonable budget. Knowing exactly how much money I can spend for food has brought tremendous peace to my life. This past week I had $44.00 left in my budget for food and over a week to go before another paycheck. As I shopped the aisles, I looked at each item from the “do I need this or do I want this?” perspective. I didn’t do any mental math manipulation. I simply asked God to help me discern what I really needed. I stood at the checkout and watched the total rise. As the clerk neared the end... Continue Reading
I had months of all-day sickness and a strong aversion to my abstinent meals when I was pregnant with my second child. I never thought it would end with my baby dying due to a sudden placenta abruption ten days before my due date. I never thought I would deliver him eight hours after he was pronounced dead. I never thought I could ever stay abstinent through something so heart wrenching. But I did. How did I do it? I did it with the help of my sponsor, who showed up for me in ways I have never seen anyone show up for another person. Among many other things, she listened to my intense grief for months, comforted me, and reminded me that I had been through a traumatic experience. She helped me walk through (and overcome) resentments toward the medical staff that sent me home with symptoms two hours... Continue Reading
Addiction is an ugly word. Learning I had a food addiction was like getting a life sentence with no chance for parole. But I came to FA resigned to the fact that since nothing else worked for me, I needed to work this program. I have found that FA has given me a chance to live in a healthy body for the rest of my life. FA allows me to have healthy, filling, nutritious, delicious meals. FA encourages me to be grateful for what I have and to avoid the abyss of self-pity. I admit that being in a right-size body is surprisingly scary. I need to talk to people with long-term abstinence to help me accept the new me. I have seen FA members who insist on sticking to their own ideas. For instance, many people have a hard time letting go of what they think they should weigh. I’ve seen... Continue Reading
I remember one Christmas holiday when I left the San Francisco Bay Area and headed north to visit my family in Portland, Oregon for 10 days. As chance would have it, Portland had its worst snowstorm of 30 years that December, and I was there in the middle of it. A white Christmas; how exciting for this California girl! I’d been abstinent for eight months, and the world felt alive to me again—the temperatures, the smells, and the colors were vibrant. I clearly remember the coziness inside my mom’s sweet little yellow house, which was surrounded by banks of snow. From inside, with heater blasting, we snuggled up to read books under a down, throw-blanket on her couch. One day we donned snow pants and boots to walk a mile to the local coffee shop, where we drank hot tea and played a board game. Later that day, when my 3-year-old nephew... Continue Reading
