Although my training is as an opera singer, I chose an administrative career path and don’t sing much anymore. I am a church organist on the weekend, however, and the church asked me to sing in a service of lessons and carols for Christmas. I was a bit nervous about being out of practice, but I brought God with me to every rehearsal and showed up willing to do my best. I was so grateful, because I realized that before I came into Program, rehearsals and performances were always an excuse for a binge. I would be so scared to sing in front of people that I felt I deserved that reward afterward. What a relief it was to not have to hurt myself with food anymore! The day of the performance came, and slow preparations and Boston traffic delayed my arrival at the church, so everyone was already in... Continue Reading
In my journey through dating abstinently, I have many opportunities to ensure that I stay abstinent, no matter what. I am venturing through one such experience right now. I just had a “first date” with someone. We met at a coffee shop and talked there, then took a walk and talked some more. After that, we sat on a bleacher bench and talked some more. It was quite wonderful to have a pleasant conversation, considering the fact that, in the past, I’ve been socially inept, and more comfortable stuffing my face than interacting with others. He asked me if I wanted to go to a movie that night. I used to be 155 pounds. I have been abstinent for four years and am now 115, and so happy about it. I am a food addict with a very delicate nervous system. My dating history is riddled with moving too fast and eating... Continue Reading
I have never been a very humble person. I was the oldest in my family and as the first baby, I was adored by everyone. I got very good grades, got the lead in school plays, and was told by many adults how wonderful I was. This did not do much to grow my humility bone. When my father passed away when I was only 10 years old, my friends’ parents were amazed at how well I continued to achieve in school. I rarely missed any days of school and continued to get perfect grades. (I wasn’t above cheating to maintain the appearance of my perfect grades.) But all this high achieving early in life set up a major character defect to take root —perfection. I began to feel that if I couldn’t be perfect, I was nothing. This became a breeding ground for my food addiction to blossom. I... Continue Reading
My husband let our dog in before he left for a hockey game tonight, but didn’t notice she was leaving a trail of bloody paw prints behind her. By the time I noticed, she had tracked two-way paths through most of the house. I was quite annoyed, because tonight was supposed to be my time to “do what I wanted to do.” Instead of sewing, watching TV, or reading, I had to clean this mess out of our carpets and off the hardwood floors and tiles. I was less than halfway done with this task when I realized that my thoughts had shifted. What started out as self-pity and resentment had moved to gratitude. I thought: Thank you God I can bend over and kneel down to clean this up…I’m so grateful I have enough cleaning products and paper towels in my house…At least our dog wasn’t hurt badly. I... Continue Reading
During a meeting, a fellow stood and shared an analogy. He said that the first few months of Program were like learning to drive a car. He said that there seemed so much to it that you thought you’d never figure it all out. He thought that it was similar to all the bells and whistles and numerous windows and mirrors you had to keep track of while learning to drive. Eventually, like driving a car, he said, there would be parts of the program that became second nature to you. On my drive home, I was reflecting about how that was the stupidest analogy ever! In my job, I drive a lot and far distances, so if anyone “knows” about driving, it is me. But the analogy sparked my remembering when I was 15 and learning how to drive. Taking instructions from a parent is torture to any teenager,... Continue Reading
