I used to get so excited about the holidays. It meant I could do what I was known for—baking. Starting in September, I would get out my collection of cookbooks and find recipes. I’d have my children vote on which things I should make. And of course, I had to search for that one new recipe for the year. And it wasn’t just simple desserts; I made a complicated variety of things and at least one very extravagant dessert. When my sponsor suggested that I should not bake, I ignored her. She was young, unmarried, and had no children. She didn’t understand that baking was one of the ways I showed my love. I put not only the baking ingredients into that batter, but also, and most importantly, tons and tons of love. And so I baked. It was very difficult. I had to have one of my children in... Continue Reading
I found FA through a tortuous route that took years of self-discovery. I had weighed well over 200 pounds for 20 years, my body felt as though it were seizing up into an inflexible mass, and I despaired of ever again being below 200 pounds. I could not take another day in my life. I grew up an optimistic child in an optimistic family. Even though we moved a lot and my parents were separated for three months out of the year, they maintained their loving attention to their three children. I had an attraction to sugar from the time I was just two years old; my parents had to hide sweets from me. When I was in first grade, I stole money from my piggy bank to buy forbidden sweets and hid in a vacant lot to eat them. I don’t remember having enough sugary food—there was always a... Continue Reading
I became a member of FA right after my gastric sleeve surgery. It had finally dawned on me that if I was letting someone put a knife to my gut, that maybe I had an issue with food. By my six-month post-operative appointment, I was well beyond the goals my surgeon expected after a full year. I had reached the weight the doctor had as my long-term goal. I had healthy blood-work results and had achieved the ability, unusual for such a recent patient, to eat only three times a day in the ample amounts suggested by my FA sponsor. My surgeon was floored. “Well, we can’t have you show up to the post-op support group meetings. You’ll give my other patients unrealistic expectations!” (I passed him an FA brochure and told him about Program.) My doctor then asked if I was done losing weight. I said that even by his charts,... Continue Reading
Thankfully, during my first year in Program, I lost more than 120 pounds, did my tools daily, completed an AWOL, and began sponsoring. I happen to be a pretty joyful person, and I often get asked how to be happy. I tell people that even the cheeriest people need tools to help them stay positive when life happens. But dark storms often do come. During a six-month period, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune condition, had adrenal exhaustion, my father died, I lost my job, my mother had heart failure, and I had to sell my house to get rid of a bad loan. Keeping my abstinence during this time was challenging. My health problems were frightening and expensive to treat. Among other symptoms, I suffered from anxiety, weight gain (from the illness, not from eating), and low motivation. My dreams and personal pride were destroyed. I could easily have believed... Continue Reading
At my first FA meeting I saw 50 people in the room who were living life in normal-sized bodies. They were showing up for difficult life situations without running away and hiding in food. I knew I was in the right place, because besides being fat, I had another problem; I could not live life. I wanted life to go away and let me hide. I was 25-years-old and had a very tiny, lonely life. At a size 18 and very naïve, I came into this recovery program and even before losing weight, I became hungry to live life and be a grown up. I lost 40 pounds in three months (five dress sizes) and was at goal weight very quickly. I then began learning how to live like a real person; it was a long process. I learned how to make conversation at the FA meeting breaks, how to... Continue Reading
