Joy and happiness were not part of any move before I came into FA. When my family moved when I was a teenager, the only thing I looked forward to was my excitement about our refrigerator being outside while the kitchen was being remodeled. This allowed me to keep my sneaking food more anonymous. I also thought that I wouldn’t eat as much because it would be more “work” to go out in the cold to get my binge foods, but the weather didn’t stop me. I was a horrible roommate before Program took over my heart and my life. I stole my roommates’ food and took up an unequal amount of fridge space. I binged on large quantities of food, over-exercised, and purged into the toilet. I was inconsiderate and didn’t clean up after myself. I judged my college roommates for eating what I thought was more than ... Continue Reading
I cannot believe how healthy I am today. I am 34 pounds (over 15 kilos) lighter and am healthy beyond imagination. I found out about Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) after talking to a psychologist friend of mine about my eating habits. I used to beat myself up in front of the mirror, be disgusted with my body and, most importantly, feel disgusted with the man I had turned into. I told my friend that I didn’t have breakfast, only ate lunch if I went out with my coworkers, and then went home to raid the fridge and pantry as if it was my last day on earth. Then I topped it off with sugar products and watched TV until it was time to go to bed. I told myself I would start fresh the next day, but I never did. I told him that I didn’t understand why ... Continue Reading
Recently, I shared with my sponsor that I had experienced intense emotional and physical breakdowns. She connected the dots for me and suggested that I needed to slow down. After listening to her suggestions, I have been carefully examining how I’m living my life, both in the big picture and moment to moment. I realized that her observation that I had too much going on was certainly true. I am now looking for things to let go of to ensure that I am living a manageable life. If I don’t, I know I am at risk of returning to addictive eating. I need to treat myself like a newcomer each day. I must make sure my recovery comes first, and that I don’t get so busy that I feel hectic and worn out. In trying to downshift into a new, slower gear, I was going in and out ... Continue Reading
Mom and dad are gone now; nevertheless my parents have been the most impactful presence in my life. Growing up in a suburb of Cleveland, Ohio with mom, dad and my younger brother David, food was always a strong presence in the house. Mom and dad were overweight, mom more so than dad, and every occasion, birthday or holiday, was cause for a food celebration. Either a specialty sculpted birthday flour product or standard ethnic dishes appeared at the appropriate moment. Looking back at pictures, I see that I wasn’t actually that overweight as a youngster, although I always thought I was. But after college when I was no longer cocooned by classmates, teachers and parents, and when life got tougher, I packed on the pounds. I also learned to drink in college, which also added weight. I was easily 160 to 170 pounds (72.5 to 77 kilos) when I... Continue Reading
One statistic I heard on the radio recently is that 95 percent of human thoughts are useless, and that humans have between 12,000-60,000 thoughts per day. That’s a lot of thoughts for this food addict with a sensitive nervous system. I have a very active brain. Apparently, I think. A lot. Some might call it obsessive thinking. When the mental component of this disease of addiction kicks in, it seems that there’s no stopping the freight train of obsession. When I had my first boyfriend in FA, I spent countless hours analyzing whether he was right for me. “Stop thinking and relax,” my sponsor said, but that was easier said than done. Sometimes I wished I had something to take the edge off, a way to escape the ticker tape of thoughts parading through my mind. Thank you, God, I picked up neither food, nor alcohol, nor caffeine, nicotine, or... Continue Reading
