These stories were originally published in the Connection, FA's monthly magazine written by food addicts, for food addicts. Each post shares a different author's perspective. Visit this page often to read more experience, strength, and hope about recovery in FA. To get the newest issue of Connection Magazine sent directly to your mailbox or inbox, click here to subscribe to the Connection.
I was sitting in front of the laundromat waiting for a friend to return to the car. I read a big sign in the window that said, “Wednesday—Free Soup.” My mind ran away with a story line. How lovely, people get together, do their laundry, and enjoy free soup. On and on went my mind. My friend got into the car, looked up, and said, “What do you know, Wednesdays, free soap! Guess who the food addict is.
I went to high school in the early 70s, when beauty was defined by how blonde and long your hair was, how deep your tan was, and how thin you were in your little bikini. It was a time when the dieting industry had not taken off yet, so there were not too many options for diets. I just remember being on a diet of a boiled white oval protein and large yellow fruit. I remember those little white pills that were really “speed,” that were all over campus. So I did what was, to me, the most successful diet: “The Don’t Eat Diet.” I felt really successful when I could go for long periods without eating. My best effort was five days with no food! I was so proud of myself for having all that control. In those early years, I didn’t see the harm I was doing to... Continue Reading
I gained 29 pounds in the five weeks before my dad passed away four years ago. I stuffed away my feelings with food. I binged and purged day in and day out to make myself numb to the world around me. I was not willing to feel the emotions I was having, and I was a mess. I recently lost my mom, and I am so grateful to say that, as of today, I am abstinent. Because I am in Program, going through my mom’s long illness and death has been so different from the experience I had with my father. This time I had tools to use. I put my recovery first and was able to feel my feelings and not turn to food for comfort. I was at my mom’s bedside all night when she died. The first person I talked to after she passed was my sponsor.... Continue Reading
Being active in food addiction kept me from really living a full life and having deep meaningful relationships with people. I preferred to have relationships with characters on TV or random people I met while traveling. I never had a committed, healthy romantic relationship before I came to FA. Truthfully, I am not sure why. Maybe I was afraid of getting hurt, hurting someone else, or being abandoned. I thought nobody would really love me if they got to know me. Food was my closest companion and it kept me isolated. Then I got abstinent, my heart opened and softened, and I fell in love and got married. Boom! All was perfect, right? Wrong! There were so many times I wanted to run, not into someone else’s arms, but to my old life of living by myself. It was quieter, simpler, and easier. But I knew it was just my... Continue Reading
I met someone at a workshop and asked her how she was losing weight. She invited me to meet her at an FA meeting in Encino, CA. At the meeting, I didn’t hear anything except that I would have to give up flour and sugar and weigh and measure my food. I said, “That’s not for me,” and when the meeting ended, I left. During that week, I thought about my beloved foods and consumed them in mass quantities. Just the thought of giving them up increased my craving and desire for them. At the end of that week, I was in a lot of bodily pain and went to my chiropractor. I thought I might have fibromyalgia or another illness. The doctor said that if he didn’t know better, he would swear that I had been eating a lot of flour and sugar. That was it! I realized what... Continue Reading