I had been morbidly obese most of my life, and six years ago I weighed 410 pounds. My four children, whom I raised as a single father, had just faced adulthood (finally) and had left the nest. I found myself feeling alone, free of all responsible obligations, and…done. I had already made the conscious decision to commit suicide (again, I was done). I was well beyond vanity and I didn’t care about a future, much less how I looked in it. But someone told me about FA, and I thought I’d check it out before checking out. I was filled with more than a little skepticism when I saw all the people in the room. Very few looked even remotely overweight, and of the 50 to 60 people in attendance, there were only about three other guys. As with many other Twelve-Step meetings I had tried, I was suspicious of... Continue Reading
I was born in Lagos, Nigeria. I loved food and was obsessed with it from a young age. I thought about where I could get food, who was serving what, who was eating what, the kind of food other people had, and how much food I could eat without my mother noticing. I would read books that discussed food, and would fantasize about the food in those books. I recall declaring that I would marry a particular type of protein because I loved it so much! I also recall one day at dinner when my mom served me a huge piece of protein (meant for a family of four-to-six people), and informed me that I was not to leave the table until I had eaten the entire item. She was fed up with me obsessing about food and especially about that protein. I did not finish eating it all, but... Continue Reading
I find that one of Dr. Phil’s messages is helpful to me in FA. He suggests that when you are driven to addictive, negative actions, that you do something completely different to change your behavior patterns. For example, he said that if you want a cigarette when you get home, but are trying to stop smoking, then go for a swim instead. You cannot swim and smoke at the same time! In the same way, FA suggests changing the habit of using food as a default for whatever is going on in life. Instead, in Program, we make an outreach call, ask God for guidance, or contact our sponsor—all good tools to recovery. I took Dr. Phil’s advice. When I first joined FA six months ago, after my evening meal, I would go upstairs to my bedroom, run a hot bath, and soak in it for half an hour. This... Continue Reading
I love the Twenty-Four Hours a Day book. It reminds me of where I used to be—I was an addiction hopper, depending on many things in addition to food. I remember depending on alcohol to break down my shyness so I could have a good time dancing at country music bars. I remember moaning and groaning with a whiskey bottle in my hand when I had a bad sore throat, and I expected my husband to take charge of getting me to a doctor. That immaturity amazes me now that I am on the other side of owning my own responsibilities. I have a clear memory of what I did to manage my high anxiety when I had a fight with my husband. I couldn’t get to the store fast enough for a pack of cigarettes for a nicotine fix. When it came to food, it seemed I didn’t need a particular reason to... Continue Reading
I didn’t have recognizable weight issues until my late forties. I was always just shy of 140 pounds, but then I started to put weight on, primarily helped by a stress-related job. I was very addicted to flour and sugar and used them to medicate myself when I had any feelings. I would act out, not only with food, but also with rage and anger—corrosive anger. I was like a dry-drunk—mercurial, grandiose, manipulative, sentimental, and confused. The key was my inner state. If I felt incapable, less-than, or mildly threatened, I would react violently. When I was a kid, I remember taking a friend to visit my grandmother, who had looked after me after my mother died. My grandmother liked my friend and commented on his politeness. I felt really threatened, as he seemed to be usurping her heart. I picked a fight with him and struck him, hurting him... Continue Reading
