When I weighed 275 pounds I would lie in bed and say to myself that I would do anything to be thin. Today I realize that my “anything” is working my FA program. Yes, there are moments when I think how nice it would be to stay in bed and not be up before dawn. There are cold nights when all I want to do is curl up on the sofa and watch television, not go out to an FA meeting. When I have those thoughts, however, I think them through. Because I know that even though I have lost 125 pounds and proudly wear a size six, I am still a food addict and only one bite away from being off to the races and putting those 125 pounds back on. Even though I didn’t start to visibly wear my disease until I was in my late 30s, I’ve... Continue Reading
Pretty much from the beginning, I had difficulty surrendering to my sponsor’s suggestions. One of the reasons for this is that I had come into FA from other Twelve-Step programs and had been trained in my habits for more than 20 years. “Doing my own thing” began with keeping small secrets, but eventually escalated to a larger scale. When I visited my daughter in another state, I would eat a snack in the movies with my grandchildren, or eat all of something in the refrigerator while my daughter was at work. I would then rush to the market to replace it before my daughter came home. I failed to tell anyone about these things. After a while, my peace of mind and serenity were gone, and I began to feel miserable. During this period, even though I was in severe emotional pain, I continued sponsoring, leading meetings, and even became... Continue Reading
I have been in program for three-and-a-half months. Tomorrow, with God’s grace, will be my first 90 abstinent days. Today I am saying goodbye to a dear, dear friend. Our family’s 14-and-a-half-year-old apricot standard poodle is growing weaker and sicker each day. We are saying goodbye today so that she won’t have to suffer anymore. I can’t tell you how sad I am and the level of emotion I am feeling. We are “dog people.” Our dog has been an important part of our family’s life. She loves her walks and is often the one initiating a walk. She expectantly walks to the door at the time we usually go out and looks back at me hopefully. These walks are good for both of us. Not only do I enjoy her company, but it has always been a reflective time for me. Our early morning walks are most often with... Continue Reading
At 45 years old chronologically, my body felt much older than that. I weighed 277 pounds and had every possible complication of obesity. I had been a Type 2 diabetic for eight years, had high blood pressure, high cholesterol, sleep apnea, arthritis in all of my joints, fluid retention in my legs, and reflux. The arches in my feet were flattening out because of the weight on them, and I was on 14 different medications to keep me as healthy as a morbidly obese person could be. I knew that I would be dead by the time I was 60. How did I get into this situation? I exercised several days a week, and ate mostly whole grains, low-fat dairy products, and some fruits and vegetables, etc. I wasn’t overweight as a child and addiction is not rampant in my family. I believe that it all started in late high... Continue Reading
I was sitting on my bed, talking with him on the phone, awake far later than usual. We weren’t having a fight; we were just having a discussion. When I asked, “Do you want to break up with me?” I wasn’t asking a serious question. I was expecting him to say “No,” so that we could establish that we both wanted to be together, and carry on with the conversation from there. When his response was, “I don’t know,” I felt as if my heart stopped. I’d thought we were both in it to win it. We’d been friends since elementary school. He was even my boyfriend in seventh grade. He’d seen me at my best and my worst. He’d seen me at my highest weight and my lowest weight. He’d seen me get abstinent. I was sure that any problems we were having were temporary. I couldn’t believe that... Continue Reading
