I have been abstinent for more than 12 years, maintaining a normal weight of 107 pounds on my 5’1″ frame for most of that time; my top weight was at least 60 pounds heavier. I was plagued with the accordion body syndrome, going up and down the same 10, 20, or 30 pounds dozens of times. I was raised in a family of privilege in the Chicago area. My parents have a storybook marriage and modeled a strong partnership. I was showered with affection and attention as I grew up, but I was unable to take in the love. My folks were not perfect. They passed on to me some not-so-subtle messages that their love was conditional. I grew up believing that in order to be loved, I needed to play the part of the good daughter—and that meant looking good (thin) and behaving properly. I was a dutiful, obedient... Continue Reading
I went to the California Department of Motor Vehicles to renew my driver’s license. I was especially excited, because after a year of abstinence in FA and a 111 pound weight loss, I wanted to use my new weight on my license. My old license read 230 pounds, which was a total lie. I passed 230 pounds in high school on the way to my high of 300 pounds. I thought if a cop pulled me over, I could pass for 230. I was always in denial about how much I actually weighed. Well today was different. I filled out the form and wrote the exact weight I saw on the scale: 165.0. I emphasized the point zero and handed it to the clerk. She examined the form and frowned, “Are you sure this is how much you weigh?” “Yes,” I say proudly, “one six five point zero.” I thought... Continue Reading
Several years ago my 92-year old mother died, after two years of failing health. She still lived in England, my home country, and I always had been concerned about whether I would be able to be there when she died. I was fortunate enough to visit her four weeks before she passed away, but the anxiety of when to leave really bothered me. After speaking with my sponsor, I realised that I was totally powerless over the timing as well as the death process. I prayed, and took extra quiet times in order to listen to God’s will for me. The final decision was entirely out of my hands; my mother passed away before I could make it back. At the time of the funeral, the availability of flights back to London was extremely limited and also impossibly expensive. The airlines were on strike, and on top of everything else,... Continue Reading
I am 36 and have been bingeing and purging for 18 years. My life was a confusing mess, and I occasionally landed in jails and in mental hospitals. I would not leave my house unless I was eating or was on meds or drugs, which is why I had originally asked a sponsor for help. I had a lot of breaks at first, but I just kept making my calls, going to meetings, and doing all that was suggested. One day, my sponsor suggested that I try a new supermarket. I started to experience fear and worry. I was worried it would be too expensive, although my sponsor thought that it actually might be less expensive than the store I had been going to, with nicer quality food. I was also scared because there are stylish, trendy people at that store, and I was concerned that I would feel “less than.”... Continue Reading
I’m a Native American, born in Detroit, MI. I got sober over 20 years ago, and I know that when I put down alcohol, I picked up sugar and flour. I believe I was born with allergies to sugar and flour, because I’ve always craved junk food. I never realized how much sugar and flour helped me to not feel my emotions. My weight finally went up to 223 pounds, and I developed type II diabetes. At the age of 47, I had high blood pressure and high cholesterol. I was also emotionally depressed and spiritually broken. When I was 56 years old, my doctor kept telling me I needed to lose weight and he sent me to classes to learn about managing my diabetes. I was in such denial; I kept telling myself that it wasn’t so bad. I didn’t know how I could live without the foods I craved. I felt like I had already... Continue Reading
