A Story of Recovery:

Showing Up

Seventeen years ago when I first saw Penny, a beautiful Chihuahua, with her brothers and sisters eating spaghetti, I said, “Oh boy, she is the one.” I had her on my lap as we went home over the George Washington Bridge. She got up and put her little paws on the dashboard to look at her new surroundings. As I watched her, I knew she was going to be a lot of fun, and she did bring us joy for many years. From New Jersey and now Florida, through all of our trials and tribulations, dieting, and moves, she’s been with us.

Then things became challenging. My husband and I had been on Nutrisystem. I was 5 feet tall, 217 pounds, and desperate. I found FA at a health fair in Daytona Beach, Florida. There they were, a booth of friendly people with just the information I needed. I picked up a brochure, and after reading the 20 questions, I knew it was for me. I attended my first meeting the following week and got a sponsor at my second meeting.

Then Penny’s life became difficult. My husband and I discussed her health and made the decision to put her to sleep. I spoke daily to God, my sponsor, my husband, and my loving extended FA family about her. God gave us Penny to nurture for so many years and I knew that now it was time to send her back to God for eternal rest.

I didn’t want to be part of the trip to the vet with Penny, but my sponsor said I could show up for her and be present for life on life terms, because I was abstinent and had a Higher Power in my life. So Penny went to sleep peacefully and I was there. I was at peace, too. Thank you God, for blessing her and changing me.

The Serenity Prayer got me through this painful time. It gave me the peace to know that we were doing the right thing, and it gave me acceptance about her illness and the fact that we could not do any more for her. It gave me the courage to change my thinking about being with her when she was put to sleep, and the wisdom to know that with my Higher Power, all is okay, including Penny.

I know, for a fact, that if I had not found FA, along with my Higher Power, I would have binged my brains out for weeks and someone else would have taken Penny to the pet hospital. I would have been miserable. Instead, I held on to my abstinence through this very painful time in my life, and I wrapped Program around me. My phone calls, meetings and weighed and measured meals kept me going. What a blessing it was to have the FA program and fellows to keep me focused and living the true meaning of life, which is to show up for my life and “no matter what don’t eat, don’t eat no matter what!”