A Story of Recovery:

Simple Serenity

Twenty years prior to walking into an FA room, I thought I found “the solution” to my food issues: a custom food plan that I concocted as part of my nursing capstone project. It was based on my successful weight loss experience with Jenny Craig and my research on the food pyramid. For my 5 foot 2-inch height, it involved a 1,500 calorie plan for weight loss and an 1,800 calorie plan for maintenance. The 1,500 plan involved two fats, two meats, two milks, two fruits, three veggies, and four grains. Each exchange equaled 100 calories. If you used less calories with, let’s say a veggie (20 calories), this gave me license to use the rest of the 80 calories on something else I wanted, like junk food. 

But this disease is progressive. Over time, my food plan devolved into all exchanges being junk food, with multiple daily caloric intakes per day. I remember justifying that cookie dough was a grain because it was like bread, because dough was their common denominator. I remember the time wasted researching caloric intakes and calculations and irrational rationalizations. I remember feeling and looking sick because I was giving my body nothing it needed.

To counter the weight gain due to my binges, I would starve for days or over-exercise until I bled. (The internal hemorrhoids I developed would bleed after running for hours.) Spiritually, I went to confession with my Catholic priest every chance I could get. Because I could not control my eating, I was plagued with guilt and thoughts of self-harm that eventually led to an act that could have ended my life. I had anger outbursts, and neglected my loved ones, home, and work. Life was the antithesis of serenity.

But thanks to the patient who handed me a trifold, today I found a solution: Food Addicts In Recovery Anonymous program. It’s simple if one does not complicate it. It involves three weighed and measured meals, with nothing in between, no flour and no sugar. It involves five tools: book-ending one’s day with the Twenty-Four Hours a Day book in the morning and one page of the Big Book in the evening, daily quiet time, daily sponsor calls, three outreach calls, and three 1.5 hour committed meetings a week. To prioritize one’s day, put Program first, family second, work third, and everything else last. That’s it.

Unlike other Twelve Step programs for food that I’ve tried, FA has the structure I need. To me, other Twelve Step food programs allow too much latitude. One program promoted to not plan one’s meals. Rather, you were advised to ask God for help with making good food choices before meals. For this food addict, “God” was telling me to have flour, sugar, and unlimited quantities during all waking hours. In FA, I’ve learned that “God,” outside of program, was the disease of food addiction. Through abstinence in FA, I can hear God. I’m open to the grace-filled words of dear fellows, who say things like “Keep it simple for serenity.” Through abstinence in FA, I see that this is a life program for those who were not born with life’s instruction manual.