A Story of Recovery:
Smooth Moves
Joy and happiness were not part of any move before I came into FA. When my family moved when I was a teenager, the only thing I looked forward to was my excitement about our refrigerator being outside while the kitchen was being remodeled. This allowed me to keep my sneaking food more anonymous. I also thought that I wouldn’t eat as much because it would be more “work” to go out in the cold to get my binge foods, but the weather didn’t stop me.
I was a horrible roommate before Program took over my heart and my life. I stole my roommates’ food and took up an unequal amount of fridge space. I binged on large quantities of food, over-exercised, and purged into the toilet. I was inconsiderate and didn’t clean up after myself. I judged my college roommates for eating what I thought was more than their share. I would not eat in front of people and then drive to the store in the middle of the night (while my roommates were sleeping or socializing) and come home to binge on whole boxes, bags, and packages of food. If I thought they were gossiping about me and my “bulimic problem,” I would yell at them at the top of my lungs. I wouldn’t talk with my roommates, but thought they could read my mind and know what I wanted.
I have now moved four times in the last two years, moved my classroom (I’m a teacher), and have stayed abstinent through all of the moves. This is a miracle. My last move was the greatest triumph because it involved high stress. I decided to move one week, told my landlady the next, and found another place in nine days. I moved to a perfect place, five minutes from work and ten minutes from my AWOL.
I went back to work, still living in my old place, with just an air mattress, my abstinent meals, my food scale, and tablespoons. I learned that I can be abstinent and happy with very little. This Program was there for me every day, every minute, as I packed, unloaded, and tiredly slept on an air mattress for a month. I got through every day and night abstinently, and for this I am sincerely grateful.
It took about a month to settle into my new place. After my new natural bed and mattress arrived and I had taken many bubble baths, I could finally feel the relaxation seeping into my pores. Adjusting to a roommate again after living alone for a while has been a challenge and a wonderful opportunity. After my break in abstinence a while ago and the awakenings I have had through working the Twelve Steps, treating a roommate with kindness is a living amends I do daily (however imperfect it may look). But I have an incredibly healthy relationship with my roommate. We are both direct communicators. If I have a feeling about a behavior she is doing that bothers me, I ask about it. If she wants me to change the way I show up, she asks. I am kind and respectful to her and let her know when I can or can’t do something for her or for the house. I find myself wanting to be of service to her and I chip in more. I am overwhelmed with gratitude most moments, and we often find ourselves laughing together as we admire our many cats, talk about dating, or exchange food/cleaning/shopping/living tips. I share my story of recovery with her and she shares her story too. I am a lot more relaxed than I’ve ever been with any roommate.
It soothes my soul to have a home where there is peace (especially knowing I’m a large part of that peace). When did that happen? I am able, through Program, to do better with others, manage my finances better, and put more of my energy into my job. I know that whether I’m moving or staying put, eating doesn’t change anything.