A Story of Recovery:

So Nice To Be Back

When I first joined FA, I was desperate. I was 5’6 ½” and weighed 228 pounds. I had a seven-year-old daughter whom I couldn’t play with. I couldn’t get down on the floor and do things with her because I couldn’t get back up. I was absolutely miserable and was franticly trying to find any form of help.

I was a little familiar with the FA program. My mother-in-law had been in FA for seven years or so. I saw how the weight just fell off her. I watched how and what she ate, and I had no interest. I remember thinking, “I don’t want to eat just that.”

In my desperation I called her and asked her if she knew any bariatric surgeons that she could recommend to me. When she asked me why, I told her. I just knew that would be the solution to all my problems. She told me that she had never pried into my family life, which she hadn’t done. She was always there when we needed her. But this time, she wanted me to “just go to one meeting.” I had nothing to lose right? Just one meeting. I could do that. Why not?

She picked me up and drove me to the event that would change my life forever. I noticed there were a lot of skinny and “normal-sized” women and men in the room. My one meeting turned into two, then three. I heard stories of people losing over 100 pounds and keeping it off for years—it was hardly believable. I thought if they could do it, so could I.

The more I heard, the more nervous I became. I was never successful long-term with any weight loss. From Weight Watchers all the way to diet pills, my weight loss was always short-lived. I would celebrate after losing 30 pounds by eating sweets—my nemesis.

I decided to give it a shot.

I found a sponsor, started writing down everything I ate, and continued to attend three meetings a week. The hardest thing for me was the phone calls. I know I am not alone in that thought, but I also do know that they are part of my tools and, if I want to get better, I need to follow the program.

The first 90 days were rough for me. I knew I had to keep doing it, no matter what. I was doing it for me and my child. My daughter was born at 23 weeks six days gestation. It was a horrible rollercoaster ride which lasted 167 days. I remember eating all the way through her NICU stay. It was the only comfort I could get. The ladies in the cafeteria knew me on a first name basis. I would get their baked goods twice a day, every day. I remember at one point asking them whom I could contact to buy a tray of them.

Today, I handle stress very differently. My mother just got out of the hospital and I stayed abstinent. I did my quiet time and worked all my tools. Things are better now. I have hope, confidence, and peace in my life. I also care more about my appearance. I started wearing make up again daily and fixing my hair. I even have acrylic nails, something that I hadn’t done for 10-15 years. I feel pretty again. It’s so amazing to look in the mirror and see the changes that FA has given me.

As of this writing, I have lost a total of 61 pounds, have gone from a size 3X top to a medium, and from 20W pants to size 10 (and I can squeeze into size 8 as well). Other than the spirituality and the closeness to my Higher Power, my greatest achievement is that I am able to play outdoors with my daughter, climb stairs without dying, and to be more involved generally in life. My husband is so supportive and helps me with my abstinence. FA has helped me control the “addict in my attic,” and has released the skinny me, the “real me” that’s been hidden away for so very long. It feels good to be back!