A Story of Recovery:

String Attached

In the beginning of my recovery in FA, everything was about my sponsor and me. I felt like a kite that could soar and ride the wind, safe in the knowledge that my sponsor held my tail string tightly in her hand. I was connected to her, and connected to the greater FA fellowship through her. She nurtured and guided me, and I ranked her as a “higher power.”

Then came the day when that connection broke. My sponsor was no longer able to be a sponsor. Up to that time, I had simply followed her suggestions. I had not had to think or act on my own behalf because she held the reins. It felt scary to separate from her, and I did know if my recovery could survive beyond my relationship with the person who had initiated my FA journey. I now had to be responsible for myself, to safeguard my own recovery and take care of my own program.

I knew I had to find a temporary sponsor as quickly as possible, but I felt alone and vulnerable in this big sea of FA faces. I was terrified. But this program has given me a courage that I previously did not possess, along with a faith that fundamentally all will be well. When I looked around with an open heart and mind, I saw only friendly faces in the rooms. I was able to ask another kind soul to temporarily work with me while I listened to hear the voice of the next person who had what I wanted.

I have been in the program for close to five years, and over that time I have had a few sponsors. Each gave me their program as they had learned it, and each gave me something special that I carry in my program today. I am grateful to them all for that they have given me, but one of the most beneficial lessons I have learned is to cast a wide net—to distribute my support system over many FA fellows.

If I wish to maintain a strong program that supports my recovery, I cannot make any one person larger than life, nor can I endow any FA member with god-like status. We are all human—frail, imperfect humans at that; we are all food addicts, and no one of us has a guarantee of abstinence. I need to allow for humanity in myself and in my FA connections. Yes, I hold my sponsor in high regard, and yes, I value her greatly, but I do not make her into more than she is, a beautiful human soul who is connected to me for this moment in time.

I know today that stuff happens, life is life, and people will touch and pass through my life every day that I am alive. So these days, my tail string is held by my higher power, committed meetings, an AWOL, supportive family and friends, sponsees, my current sponsor, and a sea of friendly FA faces. With all these supports, I can truly soar and ride the wind, one day at a time.