A Story of Recovery:

Sweet Sorrow

I made an outreach call several weeks ago; it turned out that the person I was calling was no longer in Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous. Phone lists are ever changing because the reality is that people come and go. At meetings fellows who used to be regulars suddenly become memories, or the mention of their name is followed by the phrases, “Have you seen him lately?” and “Oh, she left the program.” This invariably leads me to sigh: We are an FA family, and when family members leave there is a loss. Have I ever considered leaving program?  In my early months, I probably considered it daily.  FA is simple, but it is not easy, as the saying goes.  After reaching a healthy weight, joining an AWOL ( A study of the Twelve Steps in sequence), and having sponsees of my own, I am firmly invested in program. Leaving or breaking would cause me to lose so much: my sponsor’s time and trust, my three sponsees’ time and investment, over four hundred days of abstinence, and my new-found, slim figure. There is no food that tastes that good.

It would be encouraging if every newcomer stayed, but the truth is that people leave for a variety of reasons. They do not want to embrace the structure of the FA.  They do not want to sit with their emotions without the tranquilizing effect of flour and sugar. Others want to eat and live like “normal people,” forgetting that they are addicts.

I stay because I cannot control my eating; I stay because I need to grow up emotionally. I stay because sanity is better than insane eating and thinking. I stay because I like to be of service.  This life in recovery is difficult, but it is immeasurably worthwhile. What keeps you in program?  On trying days, knowing the answer will keep us all from falling away and back into the throes of our food addiction.