A Story of Recovery:

Sweetened Studies

At 31 my life looked like this:  accounting degree graduate, single mom of a five year old son and I weighed 313 pounds (that wouldn’t end up being my highest).   I attempted to sit for the Certified Public Accountant (CPA) exam, a rigorous series of six four-hour tests at that time.  However, I was still face-down into the food, so although I spent the money on the books they were merely table mats for my constant snacking.  The flour-sugar fog prevented any productive learning from taking place.  At one point, I rented video lectures and audio taped them to listen to in the car (yes, back when cars had tape decks) but all the popping sounds of canned drinks and crinkling sounds of plastic bags muted out the lectures.  Fellow graduates would ask to borrow the tapes, but I refused, being too embarrassed they that would hear the constant eating.

Fast forward; now 40 years old, four years into abstinence, a normal 130 pounds and my son age 15.  This time I started off slowly and took a single three-hours specialized certification exam related to what I do professionally.  I studied while maintaining my job, my son, my house, my Program and I passed!

The idea that I might bond with my son over studying together and the awareness that I needed to get out of a miserable job is what drove me to tackle the CPA exam again.  However, this time it was not simply refreshing myself on college courses I had recently finished. This time it required full-blown, self-teaching of completely new approaches and concepts that in no way related to the type of work I had been involved with at the time.  For two years I studied abstinently, was cheered on by my fellows, even by those completely baffled that I “was still not done with that thing,” worked my tools, went to my meetings, and, thank heavens, stayed abstinent.  It was an emotional roller coaster and in no way “easy” but I stuck with it.  It was humbling in all sorts of ways and presented many opportunities for surrender. No big surprise, my teenage son didn’t want to hang around and study with his mom. Although that was difficult, my Higher Power opened up a transfer opportunity that I absolutely love.

Unlike any of my goals in the past, in which the reward was always a food related item, this time my reward was going to be a new job and a new puppy. Well, I got my new position in fall, finished my exam in February and in April I picked up Adelaide – an 18 month Shiba Inu rescued from a puppy mill.   She is sweeter than any sugary item out there and instead of dragging down my body, mind and spirit, she lifts it up!