A Story of Recovery:

Thanksgiving – Then and Now

I recently attended one of the 12 Thank-a-Thons in California. I was so grateful to have a place to go to listen to all of the wonderful stories of recovering food addicts. I have lost 40 pounds from my top weight of 155.

I used to want to be grateful on Thanksgiving and other days, but I could never get there until FA came into my life. For me, Thanksgiving was just another binge that wasn’t eaten behind closed doors (as most of my other binges were). I started the meal by eating bowls of food that were meant to be appetizers. Once I put the bite in my mouth, I couldn’t stop.

I was always powerless and hopeless throughout the holiday. There was a war going on in my mind. I would hear, “Oh that looks so good. Mmm, tasty. I better save room for that one! Why did she have to bring that? Oh, he’s getting seconds and thirds…I will too! Ok, no dessert for me. Oh, I feel like I am going to burst. I want to help my mom with the dishes. I want to go take a walk with my friend, but I can’t. I can’t move. Oh, it feels like I am going to explode. Let me just lay down for a little while.”

The next day, I would be greeted first in the morning when I opened the refrigerator, with leftovers from the night before. I couldn’t resist and would start eating items that were not meant to be eaten for breakfast. As I was eating those things, the guilt, shame, and remorse I felt, and the memories of the night spent in constant food obsession, would well up in me and draw me to tears.

I had to wear overalls to these events because my stomach was so distended during and after the meal. There were some Thanksgivings where I made myself vomit, just to get some relief. This would inevitably make me madder because I no longer would have the “stuffed” feeling, and the urge to eat more would always win out. I cannot remember conversations or people—they were all dulled out by my eating and food obsessions.

This past Thank-a-Thon was precious because the person who originally told me about the program shared her story. During the course of the two-hour meeting, I was able to sit and reflect upon what an amazing transformation has taken place in my life, because of FA.

First of all, I was sitting in a thin body and gorgeous outfit, which my FA fellows helped me find. Second, all I was bringing to my parent’s house that day for the Thanksgiving lunch (thank God they consider my meal times when planning a family gathering) was my food scale and a happy heart. Third, my boyfriend, who fully supports my Program, was sitting right next to me.

The laughter and honesty in the room was so much more satisfying than any bite I have ever eaten. I was told once that FA would be more than a sufficient substitute for my old addicted way of life. The way of life that FA has shown me is ever widening, and continues to keep me coming back for more. I will take seconds and thirds of FA recovery any day. The Thank-a-Thon filled me up with so much hope that by the time the next two meals came around, I was already satiated with the love that this Program so generously keeps giving.