A Story of Recovery:

The Power Behind Us

I was in Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) for two years when my husband was diagnosed with cancer. Thankfully, I was six months abstinent at the time. When the doctor said the words no one ever wants to hear, I was able to be strong and think clearly. I was able to hear the doctor’s directions about the next steps my husband would need to take. My husband told me later that he had shut down the minute the doctor told him he had cancer. Because I didn’t have flour and sugar in my system, I was able to take mental and physical notes about what the doctor said. My husband broke down, but my Higher Power gave me the ability to be the strong one.

Later, I called my sponsor to talk about the bad news we had just received. I broke down crying to her and asked for her guidance around helping my husband. She said, “Above all else, remain abstinent, do your tools earnestly, and weigh and measure your food.” She told me to reach out to my fellows and wrap my program around me. Additionally, she said that she would pray for my husband.

The following days and weeks prior to his cancer surgery, I called on my fellows to talk about my fears about my husband’s cancer and the possibility of losing him. Whenever fears crept into my head, I was able to make phone calls to get my feelings up and out. I was reminded to stay in the day and turn to my Higher Power.

Each one of my fellows said they would pray for him and many had practical and spiritual advice. One fellow said that when her mother had cancer, she put together a binder with tabs for the appointments, tests, literature, etc. I did that for my husband and when he saw the binder, it was like I had given him a gift of gold. He was so touched that I would do that for him.

On the day of his surgery, I went and sat in the hospital waiting room. I had my phone, FA literature, and my abstinent lunch with me. During the course of the six-hour wait, perhaps a dozen or so people came into the waiting room. I made phone calls, did extra quiet time, and when it was time, I ate my abstinent lunch at a corner table. I said the Serenity Prayer and, honestly, I felt peace.

While in the waiting room, I noticed a woman about my age who looked quite distressed. The woman was reading a novel and had two paper bags. She habitually dug out flour and sugar products and then shoved them in her mouth. I felt like I was looking at myself and my life before FA. My only solutions, when life got hard for me, were to escape with a novel or TV show and numb out with sugar and flour. In my heart, I felt pain for this woman. I asked God to help her. Her loved one’s surgery was finished before my husband’s was and she left the room. Seeing that woman, who may have been a food addict, reminded me what my life would have been like if I had not found FA.

While my husband was in surgery, I prayed for his medical team and visualized God standing right there next to the surgeon. I remembered the motto, “The Power behind us is greater than the problem in front of us.” My husband came out of surgery successfully and today he is cancer free. With the help of my Higher Power, my fellows, and my sponsor, I was abstinent throughout this very difficult time. I knew God had my back and I was able to be useful instead of useless.