A Story of Recovery:

Vacation Survival Kit

I just got back from a week-long vacation with my husband, three small kids, my brother and sister-in-law, their two kids, and my husband’s parents. There were 12 of us; seven of us stayed in a two-bedroom condo with a small kitchen. Lots of personalities for such small quarters.

Thank God for FA. I missed out on so much before FA. If I had been plopped into this situation before program, I would have holed myself up in the cabin with the drapes closed, watching TV non-stop, and eating my brains out.  I would have missed the splashing of the children in the pool and lake, sunning and schmoozing, watching little animals scurry by, strolling around in a bikini, and hearing the countless giggles and laughs from all of my family members. I was so insecure about my body, and I wouldn’t participate in the activities that required me to be out in the sun with others.  My eating and low-self esteem kept my life  small and lifeless.

With FA and God, I rarely miss a beat now. There were plenty of occasions on this particular vacation where it would have easy for me to just pick up the bite—kids fighting over a toy, crying, people disagreeing on where to go, trying to get all the children bathed, boo-boo’s, and worrying about my seven-week old acclimating to the altitude. These small things alone would have sent me straight to the food. In the past, when personalities would clash, for whatever reason, eating would temporarily wipe it all away and I wouldn’t have to deal with any uncomfortable feelings.

On one particular day towards the end of my trip, when my defenses were a bit weak after being away from my normal FA routine, I got frustrated when someone had eaten my lunch protein. I knew I would have to go to the store to get more because there was no other protein. Negativity and resentment crept in: “Who do they think they are? They did it on purpose because they think I need to do less program,” on so on.  I recognized that I didn’t want to feel or think this way. I knew that I definitely didn’t want to do my old behavior, which would have been to let them have my food, and then I would go eat. Instead, I walked through a process that takes all of about 10 minutes.  First, I don’t have to react to a particular situation, but I know to just sit with it. If praying alone doesn’t work, well at least I reach out to God to make conscious contact. My next line of defense is to write it down, and then if it still doesn’t pass, then I make a call.

Practicing these steps was well worth it. Rather than trying to suck it up and “fix” things myself, I got in touch with a fellow who knows me well. We got right into the solution and I got myself to the store. In a short time, I was free of any negativity and I knew that the next course of action was to not say a thing to anyone. It felt so good to let go and let God. It’s sometimes hard to admit that these are the things that would have driven me to the bite, but in my case, it was usually the little things that made me spin out of control. I didn’t know how to contain, manage, and/or let go of my thoughts and feelings. I ate my way up to being 50 pounds overweight.

Having been in FA for some years now, and having had these annual vacations become more and more rewarding with each year of abstinence, I can truly say how very grateful I am for FA .

 

This story was originally published in the Connection Magazine. Subscribe to the Connection Magazine for more stories of recovery. Or submit your own story of recovery.