A Story of Recovery:

Waiting for an Open Door

Unemployed, but abstinent, I had been looking for a job for over 18 months. I showed up to countless interviews, job workshops, networking events and more. I was reminded by this program to stay in action each day to keep my mind from going into any sort of despair about my future. On days where there was simply no action to take, I felt as though God was silent to my endless prayers, but my dear fellows and sponsor kept reminding me the goodness of my Higher Power and that I was being gifted with clean abstinence throughout the whole journey.

One of my FA fellows kept telling me that I just needed to kiss a lot of frogs before finding the right job. Job searching was truly just like dating. I showed up to several promising looking job opportunities that seemed so perfect for me, yet I didn’t get them. What was I doing wrong? How long would I have to be on this painful search? My mind kept living anywhere but today, but outreach calls, meetings and my food scale kept my mind out of the gutter. If I didn’t have fellows to talk to, I might have done something terribly destructive, like stuff my feelings or throw my Higher Power out the window. However, fellows would gently listen to my fears, my doubts, and my woes, and they would slip in little dosages of recovery to my mind, which I was ever so grateful for. They helped me get off the misery train and get on the recovery train after every outreach call. I was able to resume to the next right action after getting caught up in the future.

At times it was hard for me to attend my meetings because I just wanted people to leave me alone and not ask how I was doing. It was painful to be real and raw. My sponsor reminded me that FA meetings were a great place to practice having loving conversations with people, so I began to pray and ask God to use me in my meetings and have a light spirit about “what I’m doing these days.” It humbled me to hear stories of food addiction and other issues people faced in their addiction. It was as if God said to me, “Girlfriend, you’d better wipe up those tears because you have no reason to be crying. I have saved you from food addiction and will continue to save you, one moment at a time. I will provide for you, but you’ve got to trust me.” The meetings were setting my head straight. Thankfully, I did not have a desire to eat addictively during this time. Food never crossed my mind. I did as was suggested and put my FA spiritual toolkit first. I am grateful I had structure during this time or I would have nursed every negative thought possible. I would have been swallowed whole by the sorrow and sadness of not getting what I wanted on my terms.

Over one year later, my Higher Power parted my “Red Sea.” A woman I was doing side work for told me about a job opening. It was my dream workplace. I was offered a position, and after my sponsor nudged me to ask for higher pay than they were offering, my employer met me halfway. I would have never asked for a higher pay from anyone prior to FA because I would’ve been scared of being rejected or viewed as ungrateful. But in FA, I learned to ask for what I wanted and let God decide the results.

I now know that my Higher Power was full-on protecting me from every job I didn’t get. Every door that I previously tried to pry open just seemed to not open. All I could do was put one foot in front of the other, weigh and measure my food, work my tools, and accept my life as it was each day. But I have since realized that every rejection was God saying, “I have something way better. Trust me. You can’t see it because you’re just a little human on this earth.”

Now I am in awe of how God has given me such a loving, kind, and wonderful workplace. My boss is a complete angel, my job supports my meal times and FA recovery, and my commute is just over ten minutes from home. I get to be of service to people that I love and adore, and I get paid to do it. I get to go to my meetings and have my recovery, all the while growing in a career I couldn’t have dreamed of having. If I had known this was coming a year and a half ago, I wouldn’t have had so many woes. But that is the whole point of recovery, to trust and let go and believe that God will care for me if I turn my entire life into his caring hands.

May I always remember that when one door closes, God opens another. I have the FA program to help me shut up, suit up, and get movin’ to my next right action. I continue to learn that my Higher Power is not in the business of making me happy and satisfied in worldly things like food and jobs. He is in the business of showing me how powerless I am, and how powerful and wonderful He is. I am so thankful that I didn’t have to learn this lesson by taking a bite of my drug. I pray that I never stop working on what God puts in front of me. If I stay abstinent, I can hear at least half of God’s whispers, and sometimes more!