A Story of Recovery:

Who Me, an Addict?

Growing up with parents whose addictions took them through multiple cycles of sobriety and relapse, my childhood was chaotic at best. I remember their post-relapse promises to NEVER use again and the subsequent anger and despair that would come each time that promise was broken. As a result, I never used drugs and rarely touched alcohol. I was convinced that I was better than them for not having developed a substance use problem. I am grateful today to say that I have since learned humility.

During a session with my therapist years ago, I boldly declared that “I may not be perfect, but I for darn sure am not an addict.” My therapist helped me see my glaring food addiction and to realize that each of those promises my parents would make in relapse are things I would swear to myself after a binge—and yet I would always do it again. It was that day that I realized I was an addict, too. I would love to say that this is the moment I decided to attend a meeting of Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA), but I clung to my own will for another four years before I would go.

I had struggled with my weight for my entire life and was bullied for being overweight through most of my elementary and high school years. I struggled with both disordered eating and eating disorders for much of my adult life. Despite periods of extreme restriction or cycles of purging, I could not seem to get to a healthy weight. No matter what diet or program I was on, once I allowed myself a flour or sugar product I would be off on a binge and regain any progress I had made. To say my life was unmanageable prior to program is an understatement.

Despite recognizing my addiction, I had what I considered many good excuses not to join FA—I work full-time, I’m a single mom of three young children, I was in grad school, I could never fit in three meetings a week! I came to realize, however, that the magic of recovery is a combination of strength from my Higher Power and how much work I was willing to put into it. I found a way to joyfully fit in all three meetings every week. I found an incredible sponsor who has helped me on my journey immensely. I have found a way to balance work, life and parenting by putting recovery first. I started developing relationships with other FA members and working the tools to aid me through the first 90 days. I even recently took on my first service position to begin giving back.

I once heard at a meeting that FA, more than a program of weighed and measured meals, leads to a weighed and measured life—and that’s one of the most incredible gifts I’ve been given from the program. Today I’m down 60 lbs. (27 kilos), I fit into clothes three sizes smaller than when I started, and I have hope for the first time in many years. I’m so grateful for that gentle therapist who helped me to recognize my addiction, for the tools of this program, and for the FA fellowship that provides support and encouragement along the way!