A Story of Recovery:
Wishes Coming True
I know a place where prayers are answered, dreams are fulfilled, and wishes come true. A place I did not know existed until about three years ago. Now I can’t help but wonder why it took me so very long to find it. For if had I found Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous years ago when I was much younger, I know I would have had the life I always prayed, dreamed and wished for!
Instead, I kept looking for that perfect diet that would give me the results I yearned for. Spending money on the many diet books, diet clubs, expensive ready-made meals, and gyms I never stayed with for long! Oh, short successes, yes, but all too soon it was another failed diet that left me with more accumulated weight, endless hunger and great despair.
I remember all too well how shopping for clothing was always a nightmare. The many weddings and special events that I fretted over while trying to find just the right thing to wear. That usually meant an outfit that would show me at my best, which was very hard to find in a size 22. As well as the many years I skipped swimming with my children as the thought of myself in a swimsuit was unbearable. I disliked not having the ability to join in their love of sports, although the truth was the main exercise I experienced was the tremendous work-out my jaw received by snacking after everyone had gone to bed. It felt so good to eat in my car alone, of course, and to give into every food thought that had me salivating. “I just like to eat,” I would tell myself, never fighting the urge but rather giving in to all the many fast-food temptations along the route to whichever was my next destination.
Oh, I knew why I overate. It had to do with growing up on the wrong side of the tracks and having always known hunger. As the oldest of eight children of an alcoholic father and a long-suffering mother, there was never enough to eat. There was nothing like second helpings or desserts for us, as I hear my fellows share about at FA meetings. I lived in just two rooms for my first years, then in a three-room home for a family of ten until I got married. This says it all! I will spare you the details of all that goes along with having an alcoholic father, and thankfully, our mother’s love was always constant and affirming. It was her appreciation for literature, music and art that helped make our limited existence bearable. This also helped make possible a great art scholarship for me upon graduation from high school.
I also have to let it be known that, as a young adult, I grew up thinking my mother was a religious fanatic. Wow, how different I see it all now! Understanding, finally, that but for her deep faith in God was she able to withstand all her hardships and poverty. I now say, “My mother’s faith is indeed my greatest inheritance.”
Today, as I face my eightieth birthday, I realize how much more FA has given me than just weight loss. FA has made it possible for me to finally forgive my father’s neglect of us, his needy family. My, how we all suffered his alcohol addiction. I am thankful to all the AA (Alcoholic Anonymous) literature that is part of this wonderful program. In addition, how amazing it is that but for my very own eating addiction, I might never have known release from the great hostility I have always held against my father. I firmly believe my joining FA has truly been a great blessing in disguise. All along, I felt losing weight was the great benefit I was after, only to find so much more than I could have ever hoped for. I am so very grateful.
Today my knees are pain free, and I no longer need the many meds I once took. At my last physical my doctor was most pleased at what I have been able to do. I handed her an FA information packet, which she gladly took, stating she would be sure to pass to her other patients. I also want to mention that I put my size 10 slacks back on after the appointment, not size 22. I’d have to add that my husband of 55 years has been the greatest support helping me stay on my FA course, which helps us both as we face our tomorrows.
My new quote for life is “I have not as yet won the lottery but I sure can say I hit the jackpot the day I walked into our FA rooms and became a part of this fabulous fellowship.” Better late than never is my continuing mantra as I go on getting better and better, day-by-day, the FA way! With such understanding and compassionate fellows helping me all the way, I am indeed living my wished-for dream and having my prayers answered. Thank you God!