A Story of Recovery:

Without A Shadow Of A Doubt

I have 7 years of continuous abstinence as I write this article, with my heaviest weight being 330 pounds (about150 kilos). Since joining FA and releasing the extra weight, I have successfully maintained a healthy, slim body.

I live on the frontier [term previously used to describe an area far away from an established in-person FA fellowship] and we have recently started an FA meeting that is held every Saturday.

I work my tools, make outreach calls, write, sit daily for 30 minutes of quite time, read program literature, attend both AA and FA meetings and speak to my sponsor.

I write all of this because the tale I’m about to share could have possibly cost me all of this. I really feel as though I work a strong program, and am doing quite all right.  I even feel very neutral around the food, my weight and I life is great!

To my surprise this disease came creeping up on me in a way I never expected! I understand today what is meant by the phrase “a progressive disease” because while I am busy working on my recovery, my disease is also busy getting more cunning, baffling and powerful.

Three years ago I was introduced to the world of cryptocurrencies, and that world was immediately very fascinating to me. The whole concept of virtual money up in the cloud amazed me! I saw people literally profiting from these virtual currencies overnight and I wanted in.

I decided to invest money into an internet platform which allows the trading of these currencies, almost like the stock market. Not once did I consult my sponsor or my Higher Power. Looking back in hindsight, I can see clearly that I made these decisions in total isolation because my disease likes to be self-sufficient. Making my own financial decisions made me feel self-sufficient and I quickly forgot that my powerlessness is actually the part of me that is most efficient and effective. I actually completely forgot to tap in to my higher power.

Within 24 hours my investment almost doubled. I was both surprised and filled with ecstasy, thinking that if things continued on this path, I could potentially be a millionaire within a couple of months! Four days after my beginning investment in cryptocurrencies, I was checking my smart phone between 10 to 20 times per hour. When I was not on my phone, I obsessively ran calculations in my head. When I was in conversations with people, I was not fully present because at the back of my head, all I could think about was these cryptocurrencies.

I started to lose connection with the people around me, myself and my Higher Power. I had found a new connection and replacement god; cryptocurrencies.

A fellow in FA once shared with me that she believed whatever you think of most, that is your god, and all I was thinking about was cryptocurrencies.

A week after I started trading with these crypto-assets, the markets start turning and falling. I was gripped with fear as I watched my profits disappear. I would continue to watch and find new hope of the markets turning and profits returning, on and on went the cycle.

Soon I found myself feeling restless, irritable and discontent, just like the days before I found FA and contented abstinence. I even picked up old defects of character by being inconsiderate and inpatient towards my fiancé.

One evening I stayed awake till 3 am in the morning buying and selling, buying and selling cryptocurrencies. When my alarm went off the next morning for my quiet time, I was so tired and began to consider staying at home instead of attending my committed FA meeting.

Thank God for recovery thinking because when that diseased thought came into my mind, it was as if a voice said to me, “program first and if something is getting in your way of putting your program first, you are in danger.” I decided that morning to tell my sponsor what was going on. I remember sharing with her that I would like to keep my investments, but commit to not buy or sell cryptocurrencies for the next seven days. Her response was to ask me how I could expect to stop for 7 days if I couldn’t stop right now. I explained to my sponsor that if I am not able to manage this I would need to sell everything, because it is taking up all my peace and serenity.  I knew losing those could lead me back into the food.

Three days after my discussion with my sponsor, it was clear I could not stop the obsession on my own. I prayed to my Higher Power and then sold all the cryptocurrencies I owned. My peace, serenity, abstinence and connection to my Higher Power is my highest priority, and this was endangered by my new obsession.  It had to go.

The moment I sold it all, a peace fell on me, and it was as if I felt connected again, to myself, people and God.

I believe God gave me clarity and the willingness to take action, because the next morning after selling everything, the markets came crashing down. I would have lost 80% of my investment if I had remained in the markets.

Today I realize how quickly my disease can creep back in and quickly endanger my recovery. I am grateful to be a part of FA as this program not only helps me stay on the beam, it KEEPS me on the beam through the tools we use.

I am grateful for my sponsor and fellows who are honest with me and point out danger zones. Most of all I have the deep knowing without a shadow of a doubt my Higher Power exists, and I want to be in constant contact. As a result of this experience I have a new found awareness to always be on the lookout for things that can easily become obsessions, and that disconnect me from my Higher Power.  These will ultimately take me back to the food, and maybe death. I am lucky.